.storiesbehindthescene

Cheers to The New Year!

2012-01-01T23:03:00.000-08:00

Ok my last entry was sucks. Niat gue untuk mencoba lebih puitis dengan bahasa Indonesia rupanya agak gagal. I feel like a sinetron's script writer.

Anyway, happy new year 2012, pipol! Sebagian (sangat) besar dari teman-teman gue akan lulus SMA tahun ini. It means mereka akan lebih berpencar kemana-mana. Dulu, sewaktu SMP, paling tidak dari yang SMP-nya berdomisili di Jakarta Selatan berpencar menjadi ke SMA di daerah Jakarta Timur, Jakarta Pusat, dan lain-lain. Tahun ini, mereka akan berpencar ke Depok, Bandung, Yogyakarta, bahkan ke luar negeri seperti Singapura, Australia, dan bahkan Amerika. Kemanapun mereka berpencar pasti akan membuat mereka saling merindukan satu sama lain. Kemanapun mereka berpencar demi menuntut ilmu, gue cuma bisa berdoa semoga mereka selalu dilindungi Tuhan dan kelak sukses, apapun bidang yang mereka tekuni. Beberapa teman gue mengeluh karena belum siap untuk menghadapi ujian-ujian dan masa depan yang semakin dekat. Tapi mau tidak mau, ya mereka harus bisa melewati ini semua. The fastest 6 months of their high school life. Jujur saja, kalaupun gue berada di posisi mereka sekarang, gue sama sekali belum siap. Tapi terkadang gue merasa sangat bersyukur, merasa bersyukur karena gue pernah mengulang kelas. Yang berarti gue masih punya banyak waktu untuk mempersiapkan diri gue ke jenjang yang lebih tinggi.

Oh! Akhirnya gue merayakan new year's eve kemarin dengan teman-teman gue dan ibu. Hanya bertiga, sebenarnya. Gue, Kiki, dan Aghy. On earlier, we had a dinner with my mom. Belum kenyang, pindah ke restoran lain. Sampai akhirnya gue misah dengan ibu karena ibu memasuki club di sebuah mall di bilangan Jakarta Selatan it was only 21+. Ha. Ibu enggak sendiri. Dia bersama salah satu temannya, beserta keluarga si temannya. Dia aman. Then, gue bertiga mencari salah satu restoran di mall tersebut juga yang masih buka dan mungkin menerima kami bertiga yang masih under 21. And.. it was 21+ too. What's with we're the 17??? We're not going to get drunk juga kali. Gue bertiga menyebrang ke mall lainnya dan berharap masih ramai, tidak sesepi mall yang sebelumnya. Akhirnya gue menetap di salah satu restoran di mall tersebut, sambil menunggu jam 00.00 datang.

I had so much fun! Dan sekarang, detik ini, nafsu makan gue sedang berada di tingkat paling atas. Gue merayakannya dengan makan dan mengemil sebanyak-banyaknya diselingi dengan tidur. Banyak orang bilang, tidur/bermalas-malasan sehabis makan akan membuat gendutan. Walaupun gue tau kalau gaining your weight it's not that easy, Moty. Ya, gue merasa lebih kurus. Ketika gue stress, tanpa disadari gue kehilangan kurang lebih satu kilo dari berat badan gue. Dan saat gue sakit, gue bisa kehilangan kurang lebih dua-tiga kilo dari badan gue. Dan menambah berat badan buat gue.. tidak semudah menurunkan berat badan gue tersebut. Ditambah lagi, gue mendapat hormon dari ibu, yaitu hormon-menjadi-kurus-sekali-saat-remaja. Ibu lebih kurus dari gue saat beliau masih remaja.

Hopeless. For those who read this, please, stop asking why I'm so skinny.

Holiday is almost over, 6 days left! Make it worth!
Ps: follow my Instagram account! @motyanjani
♥

The End of The Year.

2011-12-30T04:55:00.000-08:00

Rasanya kangen sekali dengan blog ini. Gue memutuskan untuk mengisi blog ini lagi sejak satu jam yang lalu, saat gue tau bahwa teman blogger gue, Btari, menghapus blognya sekitar beberapa bulan yang lalu. Oh, dan gue memutuskan untuk tidak memakai bahasa Inggris, entah untuk sementara atau selama-lamanya. Haha. Terinspirasi dari teman blogger gue, Jasmine yang berhasil membuat gue kagum dengan isi blognya, walau cuma pake bahasa Indonesia. Ya, gue nyoba. Walau pasti jauh lebih keren bahasanya dia.

Kangen nulis blog.

Sudah sekitar dua bulan lebih gue enggak nulis blog. Banyak alasannya. Salah satunya, enggak tau ingin nulis apa. Enggak tau lagi, lagi, dan lagi dan akhirnya enggak pernah nulis blog. Sampai hari ini. Malam ini, 30 Desember 2011, yang berarti besok adalah new year's eve. Tidak ada plan khusus buat hari besok. Sebelumnya ada rencana untuk merayakan tahun baru bareng Lisa, Kiki, dan Aghy. Ketiga sahabat gue yang juga tidak punya rencana seperti gue. Kami berencana untuk dinner cantik, istilah yang kami gunakan untuk pergi keluar untuk makan malam di restoran mewah, dan tentu saja penampilan yang cantik. Setelah dibicarakan lagi, ternyata restoran-restoran yang tadinya ingin kami jadikan tempat new year's eve sudah full booked. Ya, kami telat mencari restoran. Adapun beberapa yang tidak full booked, tapi.. finansial tidak mencukupi. Sampai sekarang belum tahu mau kemana. Hanya gue, dan Kiki, berencana untuk merayakan new year's eve bersama, dirumah gue. Mungkin kalo orang lain dengan klubbing, dinner cantik, atau hanya merayakan dengan teman ramai-ramai, gue dan Kiki hanya solat. Haha. Berdoa semoga 2012 menjadi tahun mereka yang akan lulus SMA pada tahun tersebut.

Banyak sekali yang ingin gue ceritakan disini. Biar puas.

Di entry gue yang sebelumnya, gue menceritakan tentang berakhirnya hubungan gue dengan Hanif. Ya, berakhir. But not so berakhir. Gue masih menjalankan hari-hari gue dengannya sebagai, hmm, yah sekarang bisa dibilang dia seperti sahabat/abang gue. Gue masih saling menyapa setiap pagi di BBM, masih mengabari satu sama lain, masih memperhatikan satu sama lain, bahkan masih menghabiskan waktu bersama di rumah gue. Putus hubungan dengan pacar bukan akhir dari hidup lo. Apalagi buat gue yang sudah 2,5 tahun lebih menjalani hidup bareng dia. Tidak mungkin bisa langsung pergi begitu saja.

Walaupun banyak yang tidak berubah, bukan berarti tidak ada yang berubah.

Banyak juga yang berubah, terutama dengan diri gue sendiri. Tapi menurut gue, dia tidak berubah sama sekali. Sama-sekali. Gue berubah menjadi orang yang pemarah, sadar atau tidak sadar, gue lebih sering marah. Rasa khawatir gue lebih besar, walaupun gue rasa dia sendiri tidak pernah khawatir. Khawatir tentang satu sama lain, atau bahkan sama hubungan kami yang seperti ini. Bisa dibilang, seperti HTS (Hubungan Tanpa Status). Masih melakukan semua hal yang sama seperti waktu pacaran. Hanya bedanya, sekarang tidak ada status apa-apa.

Entah mungkin dia tidak suka gue menulis seperti ini di blog. Or even worse, dia bisa marah. Tapi menurut gue menumpahkan isi hati di blog seperti ini jauh lebih melegakan dibanding bercerita ke orang lain secara langsung. Tidak peduli orang yang membaca ini peduli atau tidak, mengerti atau tidak, yang penting gue hanya mencoba untuk melegakan dada gue yang sering kali sesak sendiri kalau isi hati gue tidak ditumpahkan kemana-mana.

Dibilang bahagia masih dengannya seperti ini, ya jelas bahagia. Tapi tidak sepenuh waktu gue bahagia. Suatu hari dia akan mencari yang lain, mencari yang lebih baik. Begitupun juga gue. Walaupun kami sudah berjanji satu sama lain kalau salah satu dari kami ingin mencari yang baru, kami akan saling memberi tahu. Ya, karena kedekatan gue dengan dia yang masih berlanjut, bahkan semakin dekat, gue semakin takut. Takut gue mungkin akan menyakiti dia, atau dia yang menyakiti gue. Takut apa yang gue lakukan salah walaupun demi kebaikan bersama. Takut gue akan ninggalin dia disaat dia butuh gue, atau dia ninggalin gue disaat gue butuh dia. Dan masih banyak rasa takut yang sampai detik ini masih menghantui gue. Masih saja ada yang menyelip. Sesuatu yang tidak pernah lo bayangkan saat lo masih menjalin hubungan dengan dia, dan mungkin saja, sesuatu yang tidak pernah lo bayangkan itu akan datang sebentar lagi, atau masih lama lagi. Sesuatu yang belum siap lo terima walaupun mungkin suatu hari nanti, mau enggak mau lo harus menerima.

Untuk yang satu ini, agak susah dijelaskan. Atau tepatnya, gue tidak mau menjelaskannya lebih lanjut karena menurut gue, apabila gue menjelaskan yang satu ini, gue terlihat seperti pengecut.

Kata kakak gue yang ketiga, mbak Yani, masa SMA adalah masa yang paling bodoh. Dimana setelah lo sudah dewasa, lo sadar bahwa semua yang lo lakukan demi lo ataupun demi orang lain adalah hal yang bodoh. Begitu juga dengan pacaran. Mungkin kita yang masih di bangku SMA, menganggap mereka yang dewasa tidak mengerti perasaan kita. Dan kita juga masih diselimuti oleh kelabilan yang mungkin membuat kita belum bisa berfikir yang mana yang prioritas penting yang mana yang tidak. Tapi, yah, gue juga belum pernah menjadi orang dewasa. Gue belum pernah melihat anak SMA lain seperti orang lain yang jauh lebih muda dari gue. Sekarang hanya tugasnya menjalani masa-masa remaja. Kalaupun nanti menyesal, make it as your experience. Namanya bukan penyesalan jika datangnya bukan belakangan, ya kan?

It's Clear; Love Just Couldn't Wipe it Away.

2011-09-23T04:43:00.000-07:00

Hi bloggers/readers. The second hectic week, tired as well. Let me get this straight. I break up with Hanif about 4 days ago.

I was fine at first, then tortured now. I realize that I've been so cruel to him lately and he just not into me. I'm tired and so does him. We decided to break up after we had a looong conversation&argument (for almost everyday) and gladly we break up with our agreement. I mean we weren't break up based on emotions. Somehow I regret for gave him almost all the things I want to give to him. No, not that regret. I just.. didn't expected that 'this' time would come. I hope he'll remember all the things we did, all the things we've been through, all the things we've made, and all the things I gave. I thought he would try to understand my bad behaviors or try to avoid from any things I dislike. But so does me. I couldn't try to understand his bad behaviors or try to give what he really want from a girl. We were so selfish. Yeah I guess those are enough to explain this unexpected thing. I'm glad we still notify each other 'til now, but things become so different (of course.......). It's not going to be easy to let go your loved one who has been on your side for more than 2,5 years. Actually we broke up to make up those bad things, fixing ourself, so when we already feel like the beginning of our relationship, we'll start to make our good times again. Or in another words, we need time. If it's not going to happen.. maybe he's not the one and I'm not good enough for him. If it's not going to happen, I'm quite sure he'll get the so-much-better one than me. Amen.

.....couldn't explain more.

So long, brother. Be good. :)

Why Does Every Relationship Has to Had The Bitter Side? And Why Does Love Couldn't Wipe It Away?

2011-09-16T09:25:00.000-07:00

Whew! It's been such a hectic week! This week haven't done yet, but I do a bunch of gripes to myself. I need to hibernating... haha sounds lame. But really, I need to.

So, I'll try to a bit wise, now. Haha. Well, this is all about love.

Have you know about my boyfriend? Yes, he is the best. And he won't like this.. I mean, if I tell you about him, here. And why do I'll tell you about here now, cause I want to tell ya how much I love him and how loveable he is.

I'm in the middle of break with him. NO not break-up but only break. We decided to not talking to each other of us for about a day. This is torturing, honestly, but I this we're really should do these 'break' thingy. And why? Lately, I often had a fight with him. I never fight as often as this before, and it is almost everyday. I'm tired. We talked about our relationship for almost everyday. I couldn't restrain my anger and so does him. I could see it; he's tired as well. I get jealous easily. And I've been through this relationship with him for more than 2,5 years. Well I guess that's one of the reason why I get jealous easily. I could restrain my anger THAT easy, I could made the situation back to normal while we had a little fight, I could forgive him (no, I'll always could forgive him no matter what he did) and made he felt so peace. But not for now. I restrain my anger hardly, get jealous easily, mad whenever I feel peeved, and can't make he feel that peace with me. :( I'm BEYOND sad I'm trying to make those good things back and somehow I feel like I know I couldn't make it happen.

Everyday I realize I love him more and more until I couldn't count how 'more' it would be. I tell him. And so I tell him seeing another girl sucking my happiness is horribly sucks. I tell him (for almost) everytime we had a fight. I admit I'm that selfish but I'm trying to be honest, and tell him about all the things I hate about him and the things I want. And he seems face my selfishness patiently. Fuck me. I hate myself. I think I'm fail and always failed to make he feel as good as what we felt before. I just don't like to see him having fun or seeing other girl make he laugh. Haha.

It's 11.19 PM. I'm about to spend my saturday without him, asking 'what are you doing?' or some question that I'd love to reply from him. Yes bloggers/readers, this is me. Pamper and selfish, trying to express my feelings (but this is not that same with my feeling. Some feeling just hard to be shared). I wish he read this. I miss you, Nif. I mean I miss us, I really do.

When Apolo Meet Gize.

2011-09-03T01:17:00.000-07:00

Happy Eid Mubarak 1432H, pipol! Let's forgive all the mistakes and forget the bitter ones!

Hmm making wise words or sentence is definitely not my expertise. Haha. Anyway, how's your day? Mine is not too good and neither too bad. Next time I'll tell ya about my latest story in this journey. Sorry for neglecting this blog for such a long time. Not really, actually. Only about more than a month. But I used to post a new entry at least twice a month, long time ago. Really I have no idea about what I'm gonna type/tell you here. Next time! Soon!

Oh and look at the photos above. See the second photos, that's my grandpa and grandma. My grandma is about..hm around 70 years old, and my grandpa is about 80 years old. I forgot the exact of their age but trust me, they still working just like the other young worker do. They are grandpa&grandma from my mom. I've never seen from my dad. My grandpa from my dad died at 1976, and so my grandma from my dad died at 1995. How I wish I could meet them someday, there.

Have a great holiday, bloggers/readers!
Xoxo♥

Ps: It's been wayyy more than a month since my birthday and I haven't make a KTP (Indentification Card) even that Kantor Kelurahan is located IN FRONT of my house.

YAY 17 YAY

2011-07-18T04:53:00.001-07:00

Meet me about 13 years old ago.

YES I AM OFFICIALY A 17 YEARS OLD GIRL NOWWW. Wow... I'm feeling pretty... old now. Haha. No prob. Hope I can be the real-mature (ya know I'm childish) girl. Amen. And also all prays from whole of my relatives; forever success&healthy, had a longlast(er) relationship with Hanif, fatter (gain more fat or they mean, not to skinny like THIS), get a smaller forehead (my forehead is... wide. But I'm happy, wider means smarter. YEEHA), and happily ever after. Amen! Thanks for those who sent those prays.

Yesterday I woke up and found that Hanif was stood in front of my bedroom, bring a cake and also a gift. I am beyond happy yet embarrased cause my mom and my sister were took a video of that little surprise :| muahaha. He gave me a painting of myself. That was my first birthday that-got-a-real-surprise from your beloved one. Thanks to Hanif and also my mom who helped Hanif for made that little surprise.

For me, there's nothing happier than celebrating your birthday with my family, boyfriend, and bestfriends.
Xoxo♥

Socialite.

2011-07-11T03:34:00.000-07:00

"The less you care, the happier you will be."

This is my favorite quote all the time. Why? Cause actually I do still care about some tiny friggin' little things that obviously makes this life is way more burdened, and it's quite difficult to apply that quote to myself.

Hi!!! This is my first day being a social class student. Well, I've told ya I'm one of 38 students of social class, but evidently it's 41 students... Yea actually there's just 40 seats and one of this 41 student sitting on a folding chair. Pity. Some of them are fun (based on today's sight) and some of them are annoying. Gotta be honest here, right? Haha. You know I just can't get along easily with some person I-don't-want-to-be-that-close-quickly. But they are soon to be my friends tho. I'll spend 2 years with them. Hope this class will be guh-reat. Amen. And still, I miss my old class.

I've post a new entry before this one. It was dedicated to my boyfriend. He read it, and he didn't like it. I thought it was alright to be honest here and I thought that would make he happy. He was kinda.. mad. But it's ok. I know him and I felt guilty. So I decided to delete that post. Next time I should make another post that simply can make he happy. Soon, I will.

Oh! I've removed my chatbox. A couple days ago there was some hackers (or might be, alays) spamming my chatbox. Based on their chats, I thought they are hackers that use my chatbox as a 'media' to communicate with each other. And some of them, hmm, I think they dislike my blog and putting out crap things. And ALL of the using some bad, rude, and nasty words. I really have no idea who were they. And so I removed my chatbox immediately. But I'll put it back soon.

Enough 4 today. Have a happy day, bloggers/readers!
Xoxo♥

Ps: 6 days to my 17th birthday. YESSS.

All hail Holiday.

2011-06-23T23:29:00.000-07:00

Hi people! I just took my report card, it's not so awesome but yeah finally I could step into the next grade, 11th grade! I'm officially a sophomore. Thaaaaaaannnnnkkkkkk Gooooooooood! And Social Class! Yeah I'm one of thirty-nine students that take social class for the next 2 years.

Current mood:

So, any plan for this holiday? Well I have no plan, at all, for this holiday. My own holiday is all about hanging out with my mom, my boyfriend, bestfriends, all about chocolate, desserts, fats, money (I wish I could earn money easily cause I spends so much of my money for some things lately, hiks.), sleep, eat, sleep, boyfriend again, gossips, laptop, iPod, and aaaaaall the fun things around me. No sorrowness, amen.

Final of the finally I passed my 10th grade after this 2 years-of-struggles! Woah this sounds lame for you, maybe. Couldn't be happier for today. SO happy. Thanks for those people there who always supporting meh! God bless ya all.

Hope you got a good report card too! Happy holiday bloggers/readers!

Xoxo♥

8Schoolastic

2011-06-09T07:38:00.000-07:00

THIS is the newest event from SMAN 8 Jakarta! Yeah o my lovahley school. I'm one of the crews. This is a soon-to-be uber cool Art and Sciences Competition that can be followed by ALL high school students in Indonesia! Yap this is a national competition. This event will be held insyaAllah on September 2011. You can sign up your school from now on the website!

Check dis out!!! (click the website) www.8schoolastic.com and also you can follow the twitter www.twitter.com/8Schoolastic

2nd of June.

2011-06-01T23:45:00.000-07:00

Hi people. Actually I've typed a new entry yesterday, 'til I click something I don't know what the hell was that and all the words were gone, and I couldn't find it everywhere. Really pissed me off. Be careful, next time. And now I just lost...some of those words from my mind. I might be don't type what actually I typed yesterday. It's supposed to be 1st of June. I am peeved enough.

Anyway, how's your day, blogger/readers? Mine is quite good. I'm in the middle of a short holiday and also in the middle of final exams. Next monday is the last day of final exams, and a week of remedy afterwards. Thank God I got some good scores. Uhm not too good, but way better than last year's. Hoping to not 'fall into the same hole', amen.

You guys know I've been in a relationship with a guy for about 27 months. I love him, so much (now I wish Hanif won't read this). Well this is quite embarrasing but I want to tell you that something 'too-much' isn't good. I mean, look, I love that guy, so much. And it often raising some fears. I often cries over myself just because I don't want to lose him even if I know if we aren't a mate, we're about to leave each other, someday. Second, when you love someone too much, then you realize that you're young and you still had some dreams to be realized (so do your boy/girl) and after that you realize there's still someone (actually not someone, some girls/boys) that much better than you. If you're a girl, you might be had some same thoughts like me. We are girls, we are excessive, and sometimes it's pretty hard to us to not overthink about something. I often talk to Hanif about this thing. Like, I don't want to lose him, I love him, so much but if we aren't mean together, there's still someone better than me (actually he hate me for being too scared about this. And I don't know how to describe what's on my mind to him.). Someone taller, prettier, fatter (ps: I'm skinny. But everybody says: I'm too skinny), smarter, mature, etc. Like I've told ya before, overthink. I overthink about this until somehow my pillow and blanket are wet cause I cry easily. I just..don't want to lose someone I really love (including my mom and my bestfriends) or seeing them happy without me. Sorry I'm childish yes I am. So, stop being a 'too-much' person if you know that someday you'll leave each other. It is unhealthy.

......headache is coming.......

By the way, I miss watching movies at cinema! We all Indonesian really lack of worth movies to watch. Some of our movies are cool and educating but... so rare, nowadays. Pathetic. Hoping the goverment finish up those movie-tax problems quickly.

Have you read my last post? Yes I earn money from baking cupcakes. You really should try it. I mean, earn money from something that you love. I love baking cakes, so I occasionally sells cupcake at school. My mom gives me the capital, and I have to manage it so sometimes don't have to ask her for my daily pocket-money. I'm on my way to reducing my parents burden.

Gotta go! Thanks for reading, bloggers/readers!
Xoxo♥

Fotografija.

2011-05-15T04:28:00.000-07:00

1. Meet a photo that I took at Gebyar 8, an event of my school.
2. Meet my newest niece from my first sister-with her second husband. Check out her cheek.
3. Meet my cupcakes. I bake cupcakes to earn money.
4. Meet my sexy dancers, Alse 2012. Wondering if I could catch my 11th grade last year, this team would be 4, not 3.
5. Meet My Pocket Godzilla. Left to right: Zidni, Tedo, Hanif, and Nadhiel. They asked me to did their photoshoot at my house. Check out Zidni's face.
6. Meet some of X-H 8 2013. My second-first-grade-amazing-classmates.

Random Feelings.

2011-05-04T03:35:00.000-07:00

I spent five years of my Elementary School life with Ballet, my third year on Junior High School life with Cheerleading, my first grade on High School life with Dancing, and now, my second-first grade on High School life until I graduate with nothing.

Hello again bloggers/readers! I'm currently in the middle of confuse-ness and weird me I don't know what it is. (ps: this post probably boring, and contains lebay thoughts. And you could leave this site, asap, if you want.) I'm feeling like, umm, had a fear of losing something, lately. I hope it's not losing one my parents or Hanif or something I keep well. To be honest I always had that fear. But it is like.. a fear that makes you changing to be a person you are not.

I used to be happy all day long and spreads my smiles everywhere and everytime I meet anyone. But since last monday, I feel annoyed with everything about school. K, everyone had something about school that used to be hate. And me, just like, scores, even friends of mine. I'm the oldest person in my class, no matter if my real character is beyond childish but I fell like I had the most mature thoughts about something. I mean, I go to 8SHS for almost 2 years. I know almost-everything about this school instead of them, and sometimes they act like they know everything. Sorry, I'm selfish. I just can't hide my anger when some of friends of mine in my class annoys me, and sometimes I compare them with my old friends. Inside my heart, of course (and now I'm publishing what's on my heart). I'm just.. not-so-into them. But having them around is great. It is just a dream to rewind this stories so I could come back to my old friends. I'm trying to accept them just the way they are, and resist my anger. Somehow I just can't stand myself that I'm greedy, even if I always trying to be grateful with what God gave to me. Hope I can fix myself and escape myself from fears.

*sigh*

Yeah. I. Am. Relieved. Cool.
Thanks for reading, by the way.
Xoxo♥

The Last Part of Nowaday's Honesty.

2011-04-24T06:41:00.000-07:00

Hi! I'm currently watching Junior Masterchef Season Finale while typing this, favorite show all the time! How's your day pipol? Thank God mine is good. I'm about to continue my last post now. And lemme get this straight.

Have you read my last post? All of those points are clearly explain that I'm a pampered (re: manja) girl. My family, especially my mom still treats me like a kid. I mean, the way they talk to me or treat me just like another under 12 years old kid. But I'm cool with that, even if honestly I won't be a pampered girl, but this is a habit. Hard to avoid that habit. Sometimes they compare me with my sisters, which they were treated as a did-all-the-things-by-their-self girl. Not like me, and I hate being compared with them.

As I told you on the paragraph above, I'm a pampered girl, and I often cry if someone takes my mom from me. Here's an example: I'm busy with my high school life. I just have 2 days of weekend to spend with my family. I'm beyond close to my mom, and it is cool to spend it more with my mom. Then sometimes, my nieces ruins it. Somehow they took my happiness...ok this is too excessive. My mom prefers to took my first or second niece (in my mind, they are wicked. Just two of them. Not another nieces or nephew) hands and leave me behind. Pshhh sorry I tell you unclearly. The thing is, I hate to see my mom hanging out with another person whenever I want spend my day with her.

Since my first sister got divorced, my family became a lil bit weak. Actually, it was already weak since I was on my first grade. Something was happened and made my third sister had to married immediately. Lips are sealed. I won't tell ya about this. I knew this crap problem about a year ago. A. Year. Ago. So I realized my family hide something un-sweet since I was on my first grade. My dad was an architect. He became a retired since I was on my first grade too. Then a couple year after that, until now, my mom begun to makes money to pay my school-life and our family's daily needs.

My family is no longer cool. Still cool anyway, but not 'very cool'.

Enough said. That's the end of my 'not so happy honesty' long post. Anyway, I spent four days of this short holiday with Cherine, Luqy, Lisa, and Kiki to Singapore. Great unforgettable four days! I didn't took much photographs there. I just.. enjoyed those free-four days with my girls. Thanks for reading, bloggers/readers!
Xoxo♥

A-not-so-happy Honesty.

2011-04-15T06:31:00.000-07:00

Hi again people! Another short holiday has just arrived. Next monday is 2011's National Exams. Wishing all the best for all of them, especially for my seniors in 8 High School.

Yesterday was their last school day. They went home earlier than the 10th and 11th grader. I saw them took some photos on the fields, on the afternoon. I saw them from the 3rd floor. Cause yea, some teachers just so gabut (re: gaji buta) I mean some of them didn't teach on class, but it's great for having some 'free' times with my classmates. I looked down to the fields, laughs and some screams everywhere. Some of them were rushed to entire of the fields to took photos as much as they could. I couldn't stay there for a long time. I went straight to my class, and immediately wondering what if I see my friends like that, next year. I mean, see my 2012's. I..should be..with..them..... K sorry readers, I'm crying. I'm planning to not go to school just for 2012's last school day, and I promise to myself to remember this plan, until the day is come. You probably think I'm so last year for crying on a time like this. I ever told ya I'm so mushy, and I always am.

I'm hungry.

So, here I tell ya about me, at home.
Well, I'm my parents' youngest daughter. Three sisters, all of them: married, and all of them gave me some nieces and a nephew. My first sister is 34 years old, second sister is 32 years old, and the third sister is 30. And I'm.....16. Yea I don't have any brother, but I had Hanif , and 4 brother inlaws. My first sister was divorced with her first husband, and now she has just gave birth from her second husband. And also my third sister was divorced too, last year. And honestly her ex-husband was my dearest brother inlaw. And my second sister had her own happiness with her family. Among my other sisters, she had a probably-no-problem at all on her family. But I dislike her husband. Sorry to say, I gotta be honest.

My third sister got married when I was 6 years old. She was hate me, for sure. And somehow I realize that my mom shouldn't give me birth. She gave me a first niece. I was close to her daughter when I was on my elementary school. But she turned so stubborn yet I don't know why. Last year her parents, my sister and her ex husband divorced. She moved to another house with her dad, and my sister came back to my home. Yes I'm getting closer to my third sister cause I think..she's no longer hate me.

My first sister is the fattest. LOL I mean me and my second&third sister are skinny but she got my dad's gene so she was born to be fat (my mom is skinny!) haha. She is the smartest. Mom said that she had the biggest salary from her office than my second&third sister. She gave me two nieces, and a nephew. But since she divorced with her first husband, I never see my nephew again. Ehm, I saw him, once. Just for a glance. Besides, he is my only one nephew, and the only one who look a like me. I miss him. Hope he read this, someday.

My second sister was my the closest sister. She got married when I was on my 6th grade (ps: my first sister got married when I was on my 2nd grade, and my third sister on my 1st grade) so I spent a lot of my childhood time with her. Off to bed with her, and share a lot of stories with her... Sorry I'm crying again guys! Haha. I remember the last time I went to bed with her. I took a short nap with her. It was a few hours before her marriage. And when I woke up, she just went to the place where the marriage happened to did the make up. And she got married with a man that I-don't-know who were he. I mean, I don't know him, but actually he is my relative, my far-away-from-me relative. And that's why I dislike him, but he made my sister's happiness complete. Sigh. And now, she's living far away from my house. Well, not to far away, still in Jakarta tho. But it makes me rarely to meet her. I miss her. So much.

I was planning to tell you something about me, at home, nowadays. But I guess this is pretty enough as the beginning and so I gotta grab my dinner cause it's half to 9 already. I promise to tell another about-me here, if you'd like to know. Haha. See ya later, bloggers/readers!
Xoxo♥

Glimpse of Me.

2011-04-05T23:21:00.000-07:00

My third hero (for the first is God, second is my mom) with his nu chicken (he said it's Punk but I said chicken!!!) hair. He probably will grumble if he see this (and I hopefully he won't see this blog) cause honestly he looks like one of personeel of SM*SH boyband, in this photo.

Hellooooooooooooooo bloggers and readers! Pheww feels so good to post a nu entry. Free from exams! Yea midterm test has just finish about 3 hours ago. Being an independent schoolgirl from exams is coooool. Anyway, how's your day? Mine is..good, but um, mixed with a lil sorrow. But nah Hanif told me to get away from that thing. K then. Overall, I'm beyond happy with all the things God gives to me.

So! I'm so grateful for having two generation (re: angkatan) on my school. All of them are always spreads the dust of happiness, hihi. Sometimes feel like I lost the 'real' SOME of my old friends but God gave me a bunch of the new ones that same silly as the old one. But it doesn't mean I'm arrogant or forgetting the old ones, it's just like having hundreds of best friends and God sent me another hundreds of best friends and I have to divide my time smartly so I could get along with all of my best at school. But honestly, I'm not that-very-happy. It's just kinda weird when the older generation talking about the younger generation, which is talking about my new friends, and also when the younger talking about the older which is my old friends. I miss to get along, all day long at school, with the old ones. Can't lie. And that is just one of my impossible-to-be-true dreams.

I love to cook, nowadays. Me and Lisa are planning to make a cake shop or restaurant or something like that someday, just help us with your pray! We are so into yummy foods :D I made some cakes with her during holiday, and she also makes cakes when she gets bored at home. So do I! I often makes cakes, cookies with my 3rd sister when Lisa is off. .........Geez I forgot about what I was going to tell you about here. There are still some things to be typed here but.. I forgot. Next time! If I remember, I'll tell ya.

Fourth, her name is Qalista Septinela. Luqy's schoolmate. He died cause leukimia ate her health. Enough with the unfinished pain, God took her soul about 2 weeks ago. Let's just pray for this girl. May she get the best place there. Amen.

Thanks for reading. See you next time!
Xoxo♥

Early Year's Thingy.

2011-03-04T01:30:00.000-08:00

Hi bloggers! I got so much things to do and sorry for abandoning this site. Mihihi. Anyway, how are ya? I'm pretty fine. Now I'll tell you some bittersweet stories about this early 2011.

I was celebrated my 2nd year anniversary with Hanif, about 4 days ago. It was such an ordinary day, at first. Cause it was school day and I met him on late afternoon. He gave me a basket of flowers and he put some of our photos there. Well I didn't ask anything for him to give me something as anniversary gift. But he gave me those roses. And so, I gave a scrapbook for him. I made it (almost) all by myself. Yeah it looks so norak or dangdut but I was glad to gave it to him, and he like it. One of the most happiest things on earth. He really made my day. Happy 28.

2nd page of the scrapbook.

Yesterday was Hanif's birthday. Yea I'm saving up lots of my money this early 2011. And it's not a problem, cause I love to make someone that I love happy by give him/her a present. I gave Hanif a backpack and I made a cake. Errr.. I'm kinda nausea to remember that ugly cake I made. Pretty fail. But I was glad to gave him a first-cake-that-was made by myself even if it looked..un-yummy. But he said that the cake was.. good. So, not so un-yummy haha. Happy 17th, Nif. I love you, by the way.

Third, I lost one of my friend. Ratasha Amangku, you can look up her blog by seeing my blogmates list. I know her since about 3 years ago. I know her by MSN. We were from different school by sometimes we had a short chat when we were on our 8th grade. Have you read my last post? She's a friend of Imma Nirmala. And same, a friendly girl. She had a cancer since the middle of 2010. And a couple weeks ago I said that I would pray for her, and she could healed from the cancer as soon as possible. But God has another thing to says. It was sunday morning. I woke up, looked up my phone and my iPod (just like another teenagers does) and I catch a tweet from one of my friend and said that Tasha was.. gone. Well I didn't know her too much but.. I know her. Sometimes I met her at Grand Indonesia. I walked next to my mom, and she waving her hand to me while she walked next to her dad. And it was always like that. Sleep tight, Tash.

That's all. I kinda miss being a blogwalking. But somehow 24hours/day isn't enough to do all the things I love. See ya!
Xoxo♥

His unexpected plans.

2011-02-13T04:29:00.000-08:00

First, Imma Nirmala. Well, she probably don't know me, but I know her. She is Achi's bestfriend, and also a friend of Hanif. They both often share some stories about her. We're on a same generation, but different school, 2012. She died about 2 weeks ago. I felt sorry to her families and also her friends. I read people's timeline on Twitter, and I cried. I heard she had a cancer. We couldn't blame anyone. God knows what's best for her. Everybody said she's a very kind&nice girl. So I could drew a conclusion that God just couldn't wait to see her as soon as possible, God just won't see her live too long and spotted by sins. God just want to protect her, there. I think.

Second, Arsya Pratama. And again, he probably don't know me. But I know him, cause some of my classmates are his friends. He's part of Delapan 2013. Sometimes I see him at my school's canteen. And yesterday, he passed away. He died in sudden. He had a physical exercise yesterday, with Puapala (Putri Putra Pecinta Alam Delapan). Yesterday, he was VERY fine at first. But something was wrong with him after pray Dzuhur. I knew this story from my friends, which are Arsya's seniors and they were there when the physical excersice was held. NO ONE knew what was wrong with him. They said, after pray Dzuhur, Arsya was scared about what was around him. He said he saw ghosts, and we thought that that was God's angels, going to pick Arsya up. And sadly, he died when he was on his way to hospital with his parents. Once again, God just can't wait to see this very kind boy. Some morons thought that this was my school's fault, my friends (Arsya's seniors) fault for made him passed away. Once again, God has so many plans. And this is one of His unexpected plans. I went to his funeral this morning. First, I went to his house. I saw his family, his friends, and also my friends cried. And so, I cried. We just lost one of our family. Then, I went to Jeruk Purut. The atmosphere was really...sadden. and It was very crowd there. Friends, seniors, teachers, and alumnus came to see Arsya's last holy home. I saw the boys cried, well I mean, the boys that-you-think they can't cry over anything. We just.. loves him.

This is a very bad beginning of 2011. I had some bad thoughts, lately. I don't know exactly what but, it just kinda uncomfortable. K, skip it. No one knows about death. It might be still far far away or might be close to us. Everyone wish they know when they will meet it, and so we wish we could live twice. Don't blame anyone, cause God knows what's best for us. We just need His forgiveness for all of our faults and sins. May God give them His best place, there. Amen.

Xoxo♥

Bedroom makeova.

2011-02-01T00:58:00.000-08:00

THANKS TO MOM&DAD♥(and also God who have created them.)

"You're Gonna Make it Happen, Make it Happen!"

2011-01-29T06:29:00.002-08:00

Trust me, this is me.

Hello bloggiez! I've been away for couple times and still, there's nothing interesting to talk about, here. How's your day? Mine's good, thank God. So! Kaderisasi on my school is on. I see my friends from 2013 and also 2012 yet so stress about it. The systems of kaderisasi is way too different from the previous year. Some juniors are sucks, and teachers changed and made new rules which are so cheesy. So done with those nauseating teachers and also the headmaster. Sorry, dudes.

Don't you ever feel like you're, mmm, useless? I often feels it since last year's tragedy. Well, it made so much difference. I used to be happy with my new life. I'm happy, yes I am. But no one's gonna understand about this (but God do). Somehow I feels very useless when I see some people ask something to other people which is my job to be 'asked'. I mean, they should ask it all to me, not to the others. I can't tell you completely here. I just..miss them. This thing, is related to my hobby.

Ok enough, I explain my feelings here unclearly. Forget the paragraph above. One thing that makes me sad is, there's still some people that haven't really understand about the problems of being me. Well I don't wish they would really understand. I mean, I was failed to step into 11th grade last year, and some people just don't get it how it feels being me. How it feels to keeping a huge thing without parents permissions, and to keeping it need some lies and I'm so tired to lying. I'm enough with pressures, I think I can't take it anymore. Besides, I don't want to lose them too.

Anyway, don't you ever feel like you love someone and for God's sake you don't want to lose him/her? I do. Yeah right, mother and boyfriend. Mother, she's just like..ummm angel. K this is embarrasing. She's busy with her new friends lately and I hate it. But it's ok, as long as she's happy with them. I love her, but I just can't accept that she does gives me pressures. Again, since last year's tragedy. Second, boyfriend. I might be drowning too deep but, lemme get this straight. He's different. He doesn't look like another boys that wish for a bunch of things from his girl. I often planning to mad at him when he just made me peeved. And I confused why does the madness always couldn't come out when he says something before. This makes me peeved to myself cause actually I can't mad to anyone. I admit him as my brother, cause sometimes he act like a brother or might be best friend. I hope he read this, cause I know he doesn't like to read my blog, haha. I hope all of his pinky promises and confessions would stay forever. Geeeeez I'm only 16 and I'm feeling insane for loving him too much. LOL.

Done with today's post. Catch ya later!!!

Xoxo♥

Gracias a Dios.

2011-01-08T10:06:00.000-08:00

Hello bloggers/readers! How's your day? How's your school? So far, mine is freakin' good! Yehahaha, I found my happiness-at-school back. It feels so good at school even if I still had some pressures from my mom. Yeah, looks like she still worrying too much about my school life. Well, I rarely share some stories to her from school nowadays. And I hope she read this: I'm enjoying my second 10th grade and I'm on my way to make you proud and satisfy. Once again, just to make you, and your husband (re: my dad, of course) proud.

Done with my newest confession to my beloved mom. Let me introduce my brothers and sisters! They're my classmate, and I'm the oldest on class. So I admit them as my brothers and sisters, LOL.

They won't read this blog (even some of them do, regularly. Hihihi) and they probably won't admit me as their sister too. Yes I don't deserve to be their sister, their dumb sister. I act like a kid (I've told ya) even if I'm the oldest. Sometimes they are annoying, hahaha. It's ok if they won't admit me as their sister, they will always be my brothers and sisters and I'd love to motivate them, for always (Ok this is kinda embarrasing. But I think it's cool to share my honesty here). Cause you know, living in 8 Senior High School is fully hard.

It's 12.34 AM now, 9th day of 2011. Hanif was fast asleep and I'm interested to dating with this blog. Haha, skip it. Back to da topic. I've accepted the fact that my friends will graduate next year and I'll graduate 2 years later from now, with my juniors. It was so hard at first, but it was easier later. The more I accept it easier, the more I love my school. Note it, my school. And the nice teachers, of course. Sometimes I'm proud being one of the students (even I was failed). This school teach me a lot of things, that I won't find it at another school. Ok you might think that the students are nerds, or geeks. No, they're not. They're clever, and one thing that makes me proud to studying at this school is: a right society (I mean, pergaulan). You probably don't understand about this but, based on my sight about my school and another schools, my school had the most right society from another school. This is fact. Fuck yeah Bukit Duri.

Enough. By the way, check this out! www.gemerlapan.com Mesis 2012 (re: Media Siswa, an organization on my school which is contains bloody-creative people) made this. I wish 2011 running smoothly and nicely. God bless my life and my activities. God bless my school and my friends. God bless my family and my relationship with Hanif. Amen.
Have a great day, bloggers/readers!
Xoxo♥

New Adventure is On.

2011-01-01T00:49:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011!

I took it last night. This picture is.. Hanif's hand, while playing the fireworks on my yard. I spent some last hours of 2010 and 2011's first morning with Hanif, Tedo, Kiki, and Zidni (yeah finally, with them) at my crib.

A new adventure of life has just begun, a bunch of unexpected surprise will come, new stories, new miseries, new happiness is waiting to meet you! Yes once again happy new year, bloggers/readers! I believe God will give us happiness directly in an exact time, and He also will give us retardation just to strenghten our patience just because He love us!

......Am I look.. wiser with those words? Haha LOL. Scrubby, and cheesy.

Anyway, have a great 2011!

Xoxo♥

Short Trip.

2010-12-29T09:35:00.000-08:00

Hello bloggers/readers! Here I tell ya a short story about my short trip to Bandung. But actually, it went a cool experience tho, haha. By the way, it's about 11.30pm here and I'm sleepy..... Let's finish this faster.

I went there, this morning, with Kiki, Hanif, and Tedo. And we went home directly this evening. It was an old and unstructured plan. Yeah definitely unstuctured cause we had less than 24 hours to enjoy this Wednesday. But Tedo had a heap of 'destinations' that would be attained there. Yes we went to one of his destinations. We took some photos, breathe in Bandung's air, went around the forest, and climb the mountain... Ok those two last explanations is too much, lol. We went around the forest and found 2 caves that stood since the colonial area. This place is a recreation place, so we walked around the.. edge of the forest. Muahahah. And after we visited the caves, we went to a waterfall. It is far away from the caves, we touch it down by motorcycles. And to find the waterfall, we have to climb upwards right after we hit da motorcycles. And finally we found the waterfall, we took some photos there. Finally, we went back to the caves, with motorcycle again -of course, and had a lunch at Paris Van Java. And this is.. unimportant part. Skip. Me and Kiki bought some cakes as 'buah tangan' to our family. Then, we went back home!

The first photo is Tedo, Kiki, and Hanif. It seems that we were on our way to back to the caves (gosh! My memory is damaged). Second photo.. umm... me. Yes it is, ugly me. Ugly Moty. Nah this is the waterfall, on the third photo! Tedo took this while me, Kiki, and Hanif had some rest, and Tedo also took about more than 10 photos of himself with the waterfall as the background. Lol the photos are silly.

Sooooo enough for this post. Catch ya later, bloggers/readers!
Xoxo♥

Ps: this post probably contains to much 'we went' words which are boring. Nyem.

Slurping the real holiday.

2010-12-24T07:56:00.000-08:00

Hello bloggers/readers! Good to see you soon! Hahaha, I'm currently listening to Nsync-Bye bye. Do you know this song? This is my favorite song when I was.. mmm.. on my 1st or 2nd grader. LOL. So, how's your holiday? So far, mine is good. Hope you had a good holiday too like meh! Hehe. I'll tell you some things about my vacation here.

I went to Singapore for about 4 days. It's been a long time since I got bunch of pressures and miserable thingy so I couldn't enjoy my last holiday. I'm so grateful to God that He answered my prays; holiday with smiles around it and nothing hurt me and no tears. Cause you know, last holiday I got some horrible days, and it was my pleasure to go to somewhere with my family. Not all of my family, too bad my third sister couldn't join. I went there with mom and dad. Honestly, it was kinda boring for some times. But it doesn't matter cause I saw mom and dad did those things, like, gave me some yummy foods, gave me anything I want, and hold back their anger (cause I realize I'm 16 and I'm overly childish, I really act like a 6 years old annoyer). I saw it from their eyes, and how they did anything just to make me happy on this 'real' holiday. Ok, I'm feeling guilty. Even if I can't say 'Thank You' or 'I Love You' to them, I always sends those words through my prays. And I believe God always submits it through anything.

Taadaa! The pictures above are took by myself, and my dad. The first photo was took at Singapore Sky Flyer. The second one is a situation at a corner of Orchad Road at night. Lanterns, Christmas trees and it's decorations prettify the night along the road. That's effin cool. The third photo is.. me! Yes I look like a ghost. It was took at Universal Studio. The fourth photo is a view of Cengkareng from my plane. Kinda random, haha.

That's all! I'm planning to go to Bandung with Kiki, Hanif, Tedo, and Zidni. And celebrate nu year's eve at mine with them too. Hmmm I hope so, haha. So, how about your vacation? Anyway, Merry Xmas, Christians!
Xoxo♥

Beginning of the end.

2010-12-16T22:01:00.000-08:00

Hello bloggers/readers! Am gonna tell you bunch of sweet and happy stories! Mehehehe. I'm currently laying on my mom's bed, while typing some words here and watching tv. Mommy's going to somewhere, hanging out with her friends.. mmm.. arisan (what's in English?) haha. And daddy's catching up the Friday prayer. Home alone! Yes but it's not boring at all. It's just another holy and pleasant Friday.

Today is the day of taking the report card. Daddy took it, this morning. I woke up with cold-sweat and stomachache, what if I couldn't satisfy my parents, for the 10000th times? Well the result is way to far from my approximation. This report card is cool enough for me. But pathetically I got 70 on my report, which subject is Chemistry. Sucks stoichiometry. Forget about Chemistry. Done with 1st semester, prays answered! Alhamdulillahirobbilalamin. Hope you get a satisfying report card like me. Or maybe, much better than me! Amen.

I made some Cake Pops with Lisa and Kiki. And of course the results is: super yummy! Oh and Hanif, Tedo, and Zidni came to mine too while I made the cake. They said the last result of the Cake wasn't as yummy as the previous result. But it doesn't matter cause they kept ate it tho, lol.

Stupidly I forgot to capture the last result. If you want to make some yummy foods, just click this. Highly recommended; great foods and easy recipes.

Anyway, I love Christmas' atmosphere! Well I'm a moeslem but, don't you just love to see Christmas trees? When I was a kid, I love to spent 100-200 rupiahs of Mommy's money to bought a Christmas ornament. I did it for almost every year. And now I did it again, I spent about 100 rupiahs of my money to bought an ornament, and I put it on a curtain on my room. And this is what I bought for this year:

K then (lately I often use 'K then' whenever I update my status on Twitter or reply a text. Am wondering if I say 'K then' with British accent. Sounds..silly) that's all for today. Have a great holiday for y'all!
Xoxo♥

5.08 pm

2010-11-26T02:11:00.000-08:00

Trying to be another good-and-attractive-photos maker like Tumblarities out there. LOL, and..holy crap.

Hello bloggers/readers! Feels like I've been abandoning this cyber-diary for these couple weeks. I even don't know what am I going to write lately. And as usual, I'll share my daily thoughts to y'all. Anyway, how's your day? I'm fine. But today, Friday the 26th, I got a badmood and it feels like..I've left something behind. It feels like something is gone for today. But nah, never mind. I'm home already. Let's just enjoy the weekend with the books. But it's 3 days remaining to Sumative Test, which is sounds awful. Face it well and keep praying. And good luck for you too, High School-ers!

And actually, there was nothing special for this week. I was planning to type about '100 random facts about me' but I haven't gather all of it on my list. Dumb as always, it should be type it here spontaneous. But someday I'll post it here! Lately, my longing-ness to Delapan 2012 was rised up again. I do miss them a lot, but I mean this longing-ness was more than usual. I miss the good atmosphere when I was spent my whole year with them. Well I'm feeling so much comfortable instead of months ago on my class now and I love this class. But still, there's something annoys me, annoys my mind.

As you know, 3 days remaining to Sumative Test (and also 2 days remaining to me and Hanif's 21th mensiversary ;P) and I'm feeling unwell. It begun on 2 days ago. My body wasn't well enough to do the activities. I'm not about in pain but it might be 'going to be' in pain. Hoping there's nothing disturb me around this exam's smell. No pain, no problem, and no fight. Amen.

I guess it's enough for today. Thanks for reading! Have a great day and good scores for your exams, bloggers/readers!
Xoxo♥

Savior.

2010-11-14T00:19:00.000-08:00

Aside of God or some dearest people, gadgets or foods could be your savior from boredom instead of Physics books. And this is mon own saviah! ♥

Random #5

2010-11-06T09:56:00.000-07:00

Hello bloggers/readers! How's your day? I've got so much stories to tell! Mihihihihi. It's about 11pm here, just got home from my friend's birthday party. Long time no attend 2012's parties since mom (looks like she) prohibit me to enjoy my free time, again cause of my scores at school. Yah this is kinda sucks, life's sucks when I remember about exam's scores. But let's just forget about it, it's weekend anyway. I'm trying to be better. And probably it need a long time of process. Wish me luck!

My phone is gone. My lovely Nokia 5530 has gone. Last saturday, I was looking for some sale-stuff at Forever21, until I realize one of the zippers on my bag was opened and my phone wasn't there. Panic. Thanked to God I met my mom immediately. You might think that gadget is ordinary or not as 'special' as Blackberry. But for me, that was the most comfortable touch-screen gadget before iPod/iPhone. I don't use Blackberry, I dislike it. But I obliged to use my mom's ex-Blackberry (and I hope it's just) for a while. That BB is very slow and plain. I'm craving for White iPhone 4, uhm but mom&Hanif&teachers taught me to be grateful with what I've got right now. Life's perfect when you're happy with any things that you have.

And so, my wallet was gone too. My black wallet from Hanif. I feel so dumb when I kept searching for it and the result was 0. I'm totally careless. Oh ya, and this is my bad behavior too. I'm such a dumbass.

Besides I've lost my precious stuffs, I got iPod touch 4 from my mom. This made me think for the 128295th times that I shouldn't be born, I really shouldn't standing on this life. I can't make my parents proud. But they keep working to me, to pay my education's costs, and to gives me new stuffs. I never ask for it. And they gave me some stuffs just to make me happy and increase my passion to studying. And sadly, I still disappoints them for almost everyday. I made a promise: I promise that someday I'll make them proud having a youngest daughter like me. Amen.

Enough for today. Actually, there's still so much stories on my mind, but it's getting unsafe to tell everything here. Hmm Hanif is having a little holiday to somewhere. And these 5 days seems so...lonely......hahaha lol. Nevermind, I wish he get a bunch of fun things and mind-refreshment there. Have a good day too, bloggers/readers!
Xoxo♥

Weekend lover.

2010-10-29T03:34:00.000-07:00

"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."

Hello bloggers/readers! How's your life? Mine looks...kinda messy cause of some things. I'll share few of them here! Hehe. Thank God it's Friday, school pressures are a bit lesser on weekend. Yay love it! Anyway, I canceled my 'Acceleration Class' plan. I'm so done with Science/ Exact subjects. I'm all about Social. I decided to focus to Social subjects so I can get Social Class of 2013, amen!

To be honest, I'm so tired with the wicked problems that couldn't stop haunting me. If the old problems gone, the new one come immediately. I believe God gave it to make me know/remember Him more. And I believe God made the problems without forgetting me and gives me some enlightenment so I could solve it by myself, and by His aid, His bless and His will. And once again I believe a huge aid or miracle comes from God, not from the Phychiatrist. I can't tell you everything here. If I tell it here, whole of my family gonna know it sooner or later. It just..something that not everyone or all of you should know.

Here's some list that I couldn't tell to anyone by my voice. I realize these are my bad behavior since I was a kid. I hope I can change myself. Hanif told me that he always want to change me for the good of myself. Everybody's different, and so no one's gonna understand about what's my purpose do the things that I've done so far, or maybe the things that I'm doing right now. Once again, NO ONE. But trust me, I'm on my way to do it for everybody's good. I do it just to make them happy or proud to me. I enjoy it, even in some points, I hate being 'what they want'.
1. I'm not a social butterfly. I mean, I hate to meet some new people or a person that I don't want to meet. Sometimes I also judge them as strangers. And sometimes too, I meet 'them' cause of compulsions from people around me.
2. I'm mushy. I'm sensitive and labile. If there's some things or some words that attack me, I cry easily.
3. I can't angry or be honest about my feelings to people. This is my worst behavior. Even I can't avoid this to my dearest people, such as my mom or Hanif.
4. I easily annoyed. One special thing I love about myself is, I can hold back my emotions well. But if I can't get mad, I cry.
5. Making my parents/my boyfriend/my friends proud or satisfy with the result of my efforts is my biggest desire. This is clear, and no need to be explained. But as you know, I often fail.

Enough for today, gotta finish up my Beef Lasagna :p Have a great weekend, people!
Xoxo ♥

Ps: I miss Alse 2012, so much.

Gemini.

2010-10-16T05:27:00.000-07:00

This is my 4th niece, Ara. She's on her 3rd month since she was born. And the picture below is me and daddy. Mom said Ara looks like me when I was a baby, but I was whiter :p did I?

Stealing time in between the insane midterm test.

2010-10-06T06:15:00.000-07:00

This is me and Bima, my ex-classmate for 2 years. Eventhough the teachers are sucks, I still love this place. So much.

Hello bloggers and readers! Long time no post! Haha how's your day? Have you pass your midterm test? How's your midterm test? Let's hope for the best scores at every subjects! Amen. I'm on my 3rd going on 4th day of midterm test. Still had 5 days to go to freedom, fuh. Tomorrow is about English and Deutsch, and I think it would be effective if I learn about those subjects with my classmates. Now, I want to share something that I can't share it immediately to anyone, except Hanif (he always be the second to know about my problem. Then who's the first? Definitely God, haha).

It's just an old problems that I often share to you here. I miss Delapan 2012 (and I won't get bored to tell this to you as often as I want) but they'll never realize how much I miss them. This is my 4th month since I go to school without them. You might jugde me as a 'lebay' person cause I still had a thought like this. But yeah, this is me. I don't care and I don't fell sorry for I didn't study as hard as my friends did last year. I feel guilty cause I got this school. I feel guilty cause I already got these amazing friends and generation AND now I can't join their happiness. To be honest, seeing my friends walk together while they talk about their new stuffs at 11th grade really hurts me. They might be don't realize it, and they might be don't like to read my blog. Once again, I miss them.

I still can't get along with my new friends (re: 2013) even I had no passion to get along with them. Sometimes they're lovely. But..ah I can't describe it. Sometimes I cries at school. Especially when I'm alone (YUCKKK I look like an emo!) but this is 100% true! Once I cried when there was no teacher, the class was noisy and I took my earphone and turn the music on. I cried with hands covering my face. Hahaha my chairmate, Sevi (ooooh danger, she likes to read my blog :p) never realize it. I also cried at the Mosque, once. After I finished my Dzuhur and offer some prays to God and then I cried. Hahhhhh I'm 16 and I'm very mushy.

The most confusing thing is my mom. Ya she or the other family member probably read this. I hope she realize that I'm stress enough cause of this. I love her, so much. The problem about 'I couldn't pass my 10th grade' is so out from the topic, but she still can't hide her dissapointment to me. She always plug everysingle words or questions in I ask to that problem. Don't she realize that I'm on my way to fix this? I just need supports, not the sentences that always bring me back to drown into that creepy problems.

And I thanked to God for sent Hanif as my boyfriend and also my bestfriend. Cause my real bestfriends has officialy very busy with their life. I feel like I'm a moron that had no friends at school. Hahaha but I still had some friends to talk about life at school like Ayu, Dinda, or Zidni.

Enough for today. Thanks for reading, readers! Oh and don't forget to follow me on Twitter, click this! tell me if you want me to follow you back.
Xoxo♥

Daily pains.

2010-09-24T06:25:00.000-07:00

Another 'daily' post. I love to write 'daily' because...yes because I get it for almost everyday. I often get some pains that hurts some parts of my body. Ngehehehehe unimportant. Here's one of the stuffs that likes to makes some pains. 2 days ago, my purple-spinning chair has just broken off. See the purple chair below! I was sat in the chair, and typed some letters on my laptop. And suddenly the chair (the purple/the top) was fell..yah fell just like that! Still don't know what's the reason why it was fell in sudden. Confusing, haha. And then, my tail bone (I mean, tulang ekor) was fell down and hit the floor. That's the 1st pain. Then, my head was hit something too. My head was hit the wall too, 2nd pain. I was puzzled, and now those pains haven't heal over yet. Fuhuhuhu :(

Screw this spinning chair.

It supposed to be like this.

And my thighs are covered with some bruises. I guess I'm too hyperactive so when I do some things I always hit (hittin' again -_-") some objects around me.

Enough, bye♥
(Please somebody take me to the toilet cause my puke's gonna come out to see my poor grammar)

Daily thoughts.

2010-09-22T06:27:00.000-07:00

Hello bloggers/readers! How's your day? I'm fine, but a liiiiitle joyless. I'm fine too at school, even sometimes I wondering if I could sitting next to some friends on my class that I supposed to graduate at the same year with them. Haha sorry, I'm too labile.

Hanif and some friends of mine told me that I shouldn't think about (again) that problem (re: I couldn't past to move 11th grade). Actually I won't think about it too but mom always talk over that problem. This is probably the most thing that made me stressed out. I really don't care if I she or the other family member would read this post, I just wish they know that I can't tell about this in front of their face (if I have an enough courage to tell this in front of their face, emmmm...no. I think it's impossible. Jakarta will drowning under my tears). And one thing you should know, I hate crying in front of the people. And if you were the one of the people that I told about my miserabling problem AND I wasn't crying, I was hardly holding up my tears.

And again, I often wondering if I still sticking together with Delapan 2012. I always go down stairs on every breaktime, looking for some friends and I'll ask them to go to canteen together. I chat with Lisa and Aghy rarely. They already had their new friends, and I won't mind it. Let them happy with their new life. Everyone loves to talk about their test, I don't care if it's Bahasa Indonesia or Chemistry or Geography test. Everyone loves to talk about their new teachers, and I don't care if they talk about good or wicked teachers. I want to join their conversations, so much. I'll give you an example, like this "OMG Physics test was sucks! Did you do it well? Ah I think I'll get the bad score. I'm sick of it!" yah I don't care what subject they were talk about but I want to feel like that too, this year, and with them. But look, I don't blame them AT ALL. I'm happy to see them through their High School life well, but maybe it would be happier if I'm with them.

When I was on my first-10th grade, I was wishing and (again) wondering like this "Dear pillow and blanket, I wish I could through my final test with no problem. Get the excellent scores, and move to 11th grade and running to my mom with my big smile and my shining eyes. Ok then, now I'm taking my books. Study hard! Whoa my life will be completely perfect if I could make my parents proud if I get Science class, eventhough I'm a bit hate it. Dear pillow and blanket, I'll move to 11th grade in a moment. I'll have some new juniors on my dance activity and I'll teach them how to be a good dancer. I'll spend my day with Alse, CosmiC, kak Villy and kak Luthfi. Oh and I can't wait to Kaderisasi moment! Muahaha. I'm clever! So mom always allow me to do all my activity. Watching some great movies on the theater with Hanif, Tedo, and Zidni and the other friends. Mom and dad proud having a youngest daughter like me! Hohoho. And so I'm succeed to ease the burden on my parents thoughts! Yes yes yes it's closer to be like this.." hahaha that's kinda cheesy cause it didn'y work at all. But..let's just forget about it. Ohya, I'm no longer interested with Acceleration Class. But I still want to try the test. My rivals are so much clever and better than me. And it makes me not confident. My Science scores are bad, and my Social scores are very good. So maybe I'll take Social Class on 2011. I wish 2013 will be my year and I wish I could get along with my new friends, as soon as possible. Haha, wish me luck!

Xoxo♥

Random #4

2010-09-18T05:14:00.000-07:00

There's nothing to post but there's so many things to tell. Help....

I'm bored
I miss my Delapan 2012
I miss my bestfriends *GOSHHH where the hell are they?????
I miss my life in 2009
It's Saturday. Getting closer to monday, I mean MON-DIE
Getting closer to meet the teachers. I still go to 8HS and I won't move to another school just because I love my friends and it's place AND NOT IT'S MONEY-GRUBBER TEACHERS
Getting closer to mid-term test
FFFF!!!

Sorry, this is just a cheesy post (I might be couldn't control my emotions cause of PMS and I don't know where the hell I'm going to throw up this sentences, except on this blog) and you're very recommended to left this site. Huhuhu I just don't know how to express my feelings that I love my mom&dad&Hanif (and I don't want to dissapoint them in every thing. Wishing they would read this and realize that I always want to arrange everything to be perfect just for them, even I often fail), I miss my 7girls (even they might be won't mind about these words. And it feels like they're far far away from me), and I hate my teachers in 8HS (cause most of them are hypocrite and inhuman. Probably none of them gonna read this cause most of them are cupu).

Enough, thank you, and bye.

Eid.

2010-09-12T20:03:00.000-07:00

Some picture that I took around my Grandpa/ma's crib.

Hellooooooo readers! How's your holiday ? (if you're moeslem) How was your Eid celebration? How was your THR? Hahaha. I got well on those things. I was 'mudik' to Pekalongan, a tiny town which is located in the middle of Java. This year's celebration was kinda quite. My 1st sister is pregnant her 3rd child, she pukes for almost everyday. And she decided to not mudik for this year. My 2nd sister is busy with her 2nd daughter, and she decided to not mudik for this year too. But thank God my 3rd sister was in. At least I had a friend when my mom was busy with the cousins.

I won't tell you much about my Eid celebration. There was nothing special to share. I just got back from Pekalongan last night, by train. Wishing if could try to celebrate Eid at Jakarta, once. I never miss a year without celebrates Eid at Pekalongan. I wonder if I could see or hear the 'takbiran' at Jakarta. Hahaha, someday. Maybe. And I...forgot about what I was planning to tell you here about last week. I should be tell you something more about this. Hummm sorry readers, this is kind of another boring post. Ohya, living in HighSchool life is sucks. I'm growing up, and problems growing up behind too. I don't care if it's a big problem or just a tiny-disturbing problem. I always makes the tiny problems become some big problems. I don't know why, it's just my bad habit since I was a little girl. And I don't know how to throw up that habit. I love dreaming. I always thinks hard about my problems and it would ends up with tears. And once again, it's just my bad habit since I was child. I wonder again if God would let His people do their own revenge. I won't be this..sick. LOL. And I won't tell you here too (look, whole of my nuclear family know this blog's URL, should be more careful too pours my thoughts here. Hahaha).

Gotta go. Thanks for reading! Have a great day, readers!
Xoxo♥

Daily points.

2010-08-29T08:54:00.000-07:00

Hi readers! What's up? 4 days remaining to enjoy my harsh school and I'll catch the holiday, soon! It's been such a longgg week with a heap of Formative Test (a term which it means Exams in 8 HS) and I'm feeling sick with some subjects. I did the test well and I haven't get the excellent scores. Anyway, I'm oficially through my relationship with Hanif for 1,5 year. And I gave this puzzle to him:

Muahahahah that's too ordinary. I was planned to give something different and special for him and got no idea. But in the end, I made this puzzle for him hahaha.

I went to a psychologist with my mom. So far, my psychological tests are good. But a thing is disturbing. It's 'depressive' one and I got the highest poin on that thing. High poin means worse. The psychologist said that I'm stress. And of course I know it by myself but I never meant to show it to anyone. That's awful. Fuh enough talking about this nasty thing.

Oh ya, mom said she likes to read my blog (I've told ya before). So do my 1st sister. Mom likes to read every single post with my 3rd sister/my 1st niece so she knows what's this 'English' means. And sometimes she ask my dad to read this too. This is tooootally embarassing. I often use bad words (or even bad English) here. But never mind, there's nothing wrong if I loves to share my thoughts here, right? Besides, I'm trying to be tell everything honestly too in this blog.

Enough for today. Have a great day, readers!
Ps: I'm not good at thinking about the tittle in every post that I wrote.
Xoxo♥

Untitled.

2010-08-18T04:28:00.000-07:00

Google's appearance for Indonesia's Independence Day, yesterday! Uber cool!

Hi! Uhm sorry I probably abandoning this blog lately. I have no idea about what I'll share to you and there's no interesting photos or artworks to be published. Haha. But I'd love share some thoughts to you on this blog! You are allowed to leave this blog soon and find another useful sites.

I'm on my period so I'm not fasting. I wish I can hit some fats to gain my weight for this month. Remember, Ramadhan is full of blessings, huh? Ohya, and calcium to gain my height too. Of course I need those things to avoid people's comments about my body. Did I become skinnier? Everybody'll say yes, even few of them judges me as a vampire (re: a bloodless girl). It's kinda cruel for me, but yah this is how I look and I accepts people's comments about my appearance. I'm skinny and I'm pale. One thing that still ruining my mind is about school and it's problems. Mom keep pushing me to keep trying and saying 'Don't give up, this is not the end." for millions times. I know, who said this is the end? I never thinks this is the end, but I often ask 'Why?' for billions times. Sometimes it's hard to face the reality, and the truths are hurts more in the end. But this already happened, and there's nothing to be sorry. Thank God I have no problems on my relationship with Hanif now, and I wish forever. Amen. I've gave all my files to sign up for acceleration class. I'm no longer excited about this thing. Everybody said acceleration class is quite hard. But I keep trying to get it and even I don't get it, I wish God will give me the best for the next 3 years.

That's all for today. Thank you for reading. Catch ya all later!
Xoxo♥

Another messy story.

2010-08-10T07:39:00.000-07:00

I look like Audrey Hepburn instead of a Muslimah. LOL.

Hi readers! Happy fasting for all who doing it. Forgive my mistakes and lets make this a wonderful Ramadhan :) I may be share many so many thoughts in this post that I don't know who'd like to hear this stories. You may think this is just a tiny problem between the world's problem. But for me, this is the most sadden thing.

My mom said she likes to visit this blog, but I'm not sure if she likes to read my thoughts in every post, too. I hope she'll read this one. She is such a sensitive person lately. Every little thing I said she'd answer it with a little emotions. I hate it. She doesn't looks like my mom, my real mom never and couldn't mad at everyone. She said she's tired with my 3rd sister. She has been forgot about those problems and new problems about my 3rd sister&her ex-husband came and disturbing whole of family again. That's why I won't ever give any burdens for my parents even I know I always fails. I often gives some jokes to my mom but she always respond it (again) with emotions. I often cries in front of/beside her. And thank God she never realize it. She said "Maaf-maaf aja kalo ibu sekarang jadi sensitif begini. Kamu juga jangan ngarep bisa becanda-becanda kayak keluarga kita yang dulu lagi." once again, you may think this-is-just an unimportant story. Now, this second, I'm crying. You may judge me as a 'lebay' person, too. I'm sensitive too, I couldn't mad at anyone and I prefer to keep my emotions back than share all my emotions to some people. They'll confused to see if I cries too long. I have Hanif and my 6 girls to share this stories. It's quite enough to share my sadness to Hanif, I just want him to hear whole of my happy&fun stories than sad stories. So do I with my 6 girls. It feels like they are miles away from here, so far from here. I couldn't reach them at a time. They are busy with their own life&problems. I miss them, I miss everything.

Enough for today. Once again, happy fasting!
Xoxo♥

Random #3

2010-08-07T07:32:00.000-07:00

Hi. What's up? I'm fine here. It's saturday night. Still abandoning my dinner beside my laptop, haven't finish it up yet. I'm bored, but I want to post something even I don't know what it would be. So the title is Random part 3. It's pretty trashy. Anyway, Schoolympic 2010 was over :( yesterday I was performed at the closing, hmm even I just appeared for less than 30 seconds. But it's super cool to spend my days with the 2011 and 2012. Oh ya I have some newcomer sisters (means: juniors). 2013, please be good.

I read my chatlog with Hanif on 3/4 months ago. He often got mad at me for my goodness. He's sweet until I couldn't stop smiling and holding up my tears when I read it. He was very 'creepy' when he told the truth with his emotion. Until now, I'm choosing to keep silent when he gets mad. Eventho I know I'm right and of course I thinks he's the most right, ever. And I still haven't become what he wants. Yap he always ask me to be able to angry and stronger :s hahaha. I'm too excessive, I've told ya for million times. I was planned to go to Tebet this afternoon to meet Hanif, but mom wasn't allow me to go. And she told me that we'll go to PI tonight. Too bad God sent a horrible rain then the floods was covering up the street in front of my home. And the point is: I couldn't go to anywhere. It was 7.45 pm when my mom asked me to go somewhere, but I was peeved already so I refused it. Mom looks so tired with my peeveness and I'm feeling guilty. I never meant to be a burden to my parents. I still don't know how to be a good daughter.

Ohya, I've changed my Twitter ID. From now on, it's @motyanjani. And I'm protecting my tweets, hihihi. Tell me if you want me to follow ya back!

That's all for today. Thanks for reading!
Xoxo♥

Hopes and Fears.

2010-08-04T03:40:00.000-07:00

(A picture from my holga. I...kinda forgot where and when I took it :s)

Everybody loves to praying, wishing, and dreaming, right? So do I.

"I believe God create me to be a nice person and won't bother anyone by my own problems and force me to believe in Him for always and solve the problems by myself. I believe God create me to find some kind persons and meet some bad persons as much as He want, just to fill up my life. I believe God is FAIR. I believe God sent me to the right family but too bad I dissapoint them all the time. I believe God sent me here to be a patient person and I wish God would like to throw away all my harmful habits."

I'm so DEAD.

2010-07-31T09:27:00.000-07:00

"..kamu seharusnya udah nyadar sekarang, jangan kebanyakan main. Maaf-maaf aja kalo ibu begini. Ibu percaya sama kamu, tapi kemaren kamu ngecewain ibu. Ibu tuh sayang sama kamu"

Random #2

2010-07-30T04:14:00.000-07:00

1. 3 days of holiday and this Nachos kindly accompany me. Mom bought me a box of Nachos and you'll die to see the Melted Cheese.
2. New toy/new buddy///new niece! Welcome to the world, Btari Paramarta Mukti♥
3. New haircut! Bhah it doesn't look like it had been cutted.

I shouldn't wrote this cheesy history.

2010-07-26T04:18:00.000-07:00

Famous Amos' Double Chocolate Cookies-yummiest cookies on earth. My favorite all the time :9

Hi! It's my first day in my own history of 'repeating my 10th grade'. So far, it's fun. And I hope forever. I have a chairmate and she's super nice, hihihi. And few of my classmates are annoying. But don't mind it, let it flow. Sometimes it was kinda boring when there's no teachers at all and everybody was so strange. Especially me, I shouldn't sit with them. I should be sit with my 2012. Yah, there will always be some joys and sorrow. It's my turn to feels the sorrow.

I went down stairs, met my friends and hugged them. It feels so happy when they called my name all the time. But sometimes it feels like.."Oh moron, I should be spend this 2010 and a half of 2011 with the. Not with those strangers." yah like that, I envy them. So much. That thought loves to come and go. Once it come, it really pissing me off. But if it go, it feels nothing just be grateful to God. Sorry for 'strangers' word, it's my first day and I haven't get along with them. Yes I'm going to through the years with this habits. And this is totally: complicated. I'm on my way to make it all better and I really wish this is my lucky semester (luckyness till I graduate, Amen). If I got a change to repeat this grade so I wish I can get excellent score for ALL subjects and the teachers let me take the acceleration class. Amen!!!

That's all and thankyou for reading.
Xoxo♥

Middle of the Night.

2010-07-20T10:37:00.000-07:00

It's 12.23 AM. Just finished my midnight call with Hanif and I'm getting unsleepy. I was went to Pacific Place, straight to Aksara while waiting my mom did her exercise. Glad to found so many design books there. And I got an inspiration to make a sketch. Here's my first sketch. Dedicated to Hanif, muahahaha.

It's kinda..abstract. I drew it about an hour, I've lost my ideas. Hahaha. I'm planning to make another sketch during holiday. I go to school next week. Ya, still had 2837128 days for holiday. I'll stay at home, going nowhere and gets rusty. Poor me. I miss Delapan. Ohya, I haven't give this picture to Hanif, but tonight I will. Hope he like it!

Xoxo♥

I'm no longer 15.

2010-07-18T10:59:00.000-07:00

One of the bad photos from my Holga.

Hi! What's up? How's your day? Haha, it's 12.23 AM here, I couldn't sleep and I won't bother Hanif just to answer my unimportant late night call. Holiday was invited insomnia back. Still on a boring word called Holiday. Yah, a boring holiday. I sleeps with sorrow as my blanket. I'm kinda..messy.

2 days ago was my birthday, I'm 16 and it's sucks. Knowing that I'm growing up and soon I'll be a colleger, I'll be a bussiness woman (amen!), I'll be a mom, I'll be a grandmother, and I'll be...ah stop. I just can't stop thinking about the future. Seems like yesterday I was sitting in my kindergarten class, holding mommy's hands and never let her go out from my class because I was too afraid with something new. Embarrassing, I know. Another sucks thing, it's too disgusting that knowing that you're 16 already but you just get into your 10th grade. Hmm it's complicated. Can't pass the grade is complicated and pathetic. Ya it's sad to knowing that I'm growing up. But everything was perfect on July, 17. Have you read my recent post? (something was error with the picture on my recent post. It should be wider than it seen) I got a red Holga, from my sisters. Yes they gave me what I've been waiting for hahaha. Hanif gave me a black wallet and a cake. Glad to got tons of hug from him. Aghy Tedo Zidni was there too! Lisa and Kiki gave me some blue and pink cupcakes. How yummy! Haha, Luqy was join us to Pasar Festival. She gave me a box of candies! Yayness but the other was got it too. Too bad Aisyah and Cherine couldn't come in :( Ohya, mommy just gave me a light green hoodie, she said that it was a gift for me. I often feels that my mom could read my mind...she always buys everything I want eventho I never tell her that I want it.

Use this well, this is the last weekend. I supposed to go to school tomorrow but I thought it's useless to go there just to see my new class. I prefer sleep along the day than meet my friends while hold up my tears. I know I can't stand when my friends are running to me, and gimme some hugs. It's gonna kill me. That's why I'm afraid to meet my friends. I do miss them so much, but crying is tiring. I wish I can get some great and nice teachers on my new class. And I have to prepare my mental to meet 'some new friends'. Like I've said on twitter, "fake smile was prepared". And I wish it's useful. Since I got this problem, headache couldn't go away from me. Headache couldn't stay away from me. Headache always besides me. And I can't throw it away too. Once it gone, it'll come at late night. Headache loves night. Headache loves to destroys me at night.

Alright readers, time to go. It's almost 1 AM. Gotta sleep, bye!
Xoxo ♥

BUZZDAY!

2010-07-17T09:06:00.001-07:00

INI BARU NAMANYA ULANG TAHUN///THIS IS WHAT I CALLED BIRTHDAY

My head is going to burst in a few minutes.

2010-07-09T03:25:00.000-07:00

I'm tired to takes some tissues just to dries up my eyes. I'm tired to crying all day long. I've ruined everything. See? I shouldn't exist.

Home alone #2

2010-07-06T23:00:00.000-07:00

My newest edited photo. Inspired from Livia, my JHS friend.

10 days remaining to my birthday. Hahaha, I don't wish for any special present. But I wish I can meet all my best buddies on that day. Amen. Yesterday I told my 2nd sister that I've asked my 1st sister to buy me a M)phosis sandals as my birthday present. But stupidly my 2nd sister told me that they (my 1st, 2nd, 3rd sister) will give me a presents too. I think that it isn't a surprise cause they already told me yesterday o.o no problem, I still don't know what it is. And I'm very thankful to had silly sisters like them.

I've just finished my breakfast, also my 1st lunch (there's many possibilities that I'll hit my 2nd lunch, soon). Fyi, my weight is 43! I still looks like a skinny zombie but I'm proud to myself cause I could gain 3kilos on less than 2 weeks :p I was planned to go to Pacific Place to eat some yummy Pancakes with mom today. But I woke up at 10 and it was so lazy to moved my ass until 11.30. So mommy left me alone and dad is going to somewhere I don't know. But sometimes Headache and Stomachache are there beside me (ps: they are always exist whenever I don't want to catch them. They loves to accompany me before I go to sleep even I wake up). Yap it's another home alone story.

All I hear now is my oldie-air conditioner sound and thunders. I'm feeling annoyed, cause a thing. I wouldn't tell you here but I would call it with it. It is disgusting, it likes to bitching around. It was a thing that ruined my mood. If someday I meet it, it would be my pleasure to kill it all. HAHAHA! By the way, last night I almost kill my self cause I made Hanif mad at me. LMAO.

Anyway, daddy's home. And now the tittle above is not 'match' anymore. I want to change it and I don't know what it would be. Sorry, this is probably another crap post. I'm bored, Hanif haven't wake up yet and I don't want to bother him. I miss Lisa and Kiki. They haven't come to my home since I got a terrible trouble. But it's ok if they couldn't come here. I just wish I can hug them at the day I turn into 16. Oh ya, have I told you about my new plan? I'm planing to take Acceleration Class at 8 so I could graduate same just like I should be, I'll graduate at 2012! Amen. Wish me luck!

Enough, thanks for reading. I'm hoping mommy will go home soon and bring a pack of Pancakes. Keep eating! Xoxo♥

Schoolympic 2010

2010-07-04T08:15:00.000-07:00

I'm one of the crews, and I'm feeling (very) useless. Here, I just want to help, a little bit. If you feels that you're a High School student in Jabodetabek, feel free to open this site below. And don't forget to register your school up to Schoolympic 2010, immediately!

CLICK!

CLICK!

CLICK!

Home alone

2010-06-30T22:51:00.000-07:00

1. Watched World Cup at Aghy's apartment. Playing card while waiting for Aisyah and some meals :p

2. Moi 2nd dad and 1st brother.

Hardly craving for: Nasi Padang.

Yesterday I was intend to watch Eclipse (great movie! It isn't about vampire vs warewolf but it's all about romance) at Sency Premiere with my mom and her friends this afternoon. Eventho I've watched it, I still want to watch it once again while fill up my blank holiday. Woke up too late made mom leave me alone. Haha. And dad is hanging out with his friend too. Home alone. Got nothing to do.

I've stop crying since 2 days ago. Even sometimes tears still falls down over my cheek because of something. I'm spending my blank holiday with sleep, eat (oh ya, I loss about 2kg of my weight. Again, and it's horrible. I'm disgusted to see myself on the mirror), hangs out with Hanif and my bestfriends, watch some movies on cinemas, and hugs my mom. Mom stopped being a busy mom-busy-like what I said on my recent post (ps: she still asking me to move to Al-Azhar Pejaten. And I'll always says "No", for million times).

Decision has made. I'm not gonna move to another school, I'll stay at Delapan. But I'm gonna leave what I've got. I'm Delapan 2013. Yaaa sounds sad but that's consequence. My friends will walk around the 11th grade's corridor and I'll stay around 10th grade's corridor. Pathetic. But relax, I still have another-2012 who will join me to stay in that corridor.

I'm not alone.

Now, I rarely open Twitter. I send 1 tweet per day. It's terribly sad to see some mentions, direct messages, and texts comming to my way. My friends keep gives me supports and fyi, 'that things' just inviting my tears to fall. Everything with word 'Semangat' or 'Sabar' just make me cry for few minutes later. But how lucky I have them around me-something that made me won't move to another school :3 You have to try to be me, someday.

Oh moron, it should be 'Kamis, Juli 1' on the date above. Enough for today. Gotta eat to gain my weight! Xoxo♥

Undescribeable feeling.

2010-06-26T05:05:00.000-07:00

Remember that I'll tell you anything here? I am. And now, for you who opened and read this post, it's same like reading my mind. Ok, I've been crying for about 6 hours today. I couldn't step up into next grade, and I really have to take this reality. Don't blame anyone or anything. Blame it one me. I just couldn't through this 10th grade well. I've stop crying at 4pm but when I opened my mentions on Twitter, tears falls like Niagara waterfall. I love friends supports, but they are inviting my tears. But I really apreciate it all. Things keep running through my mind til now. It's all about leaving what I've sacrificed for. One thing you should know, my eyes still 'red', it's swollen;
I'm still crying.
I know it's all my faults, I was inconsistent. Maybe I was studyless, but play hard. And I decided to move to another school. I don't know where it would be. But it's not about move to another school. It's about my reputation as 2012, my parents reputation, my boyfie's feeling, and people's reaction. I was made a promise to myself that I won't build another problem to my parents. But now...mom can't stop calm me down although I've calm, mom can't stop give me some kisses and hugs. It's about leaving Delapan 2012, Alse 2012, and Art 45. For God's sake,
I'm dying.

Thankyou Mom, she's getting such a busy mom in sudden, because of me. Yah, she would help anything for her crap-youngest daughter. She would do anything for my future. But today, I dissapoint her. Thankyou Hanif, cheers me up for always. I hope he won't be ashamed to have a girlfriend like me. Thankyou Lisa Aghy and Aisyah, they've been texted and called me for today.

And if I really have to leave 8 Senior High School...

Thankyou X-D 8 2012 for such a great class ever! Thankyou good teachers (ehm note it! GOOD TEACHERS!), who has been teach me patiently. Thankyou Alse 2012-Ave and Achi, be better without me! Be a good captain/co. captain! And huge sorry I have to leave you two and I wish Dinda Manao will join you soon. Be a good team! Thankyou CosmiC 2011 and 2010 for so much knowledge.

Ok, tears just stopped. Gotta go and see the world wider.
Xoxo
Ps: Sorry Luqyana Fisabila, I won't reply your message and you better ask to them yah again. And for you who read this post, please pray for moi future. Lots of love from meh, thankyou!

Recent things.

2010-06-24T01:24:00.000-07:00

1. Bangs
Have you ever lost your sense when you trying to fix up your bangs? I've tried it, once. And I'll never do it again. See the picture above? Does I look like a...'sadako'? I was intended to fix up my long bangs and stupidly I cut it too short, and I'm waiting for my old bangs back.

2. Shoes
Adidas. I got the old-gold-design one, and mommy bought the new-silver-design one. Ps: I'm so not into Flat Shoes.

3. Status
I'm officially CosmiC SMAN 8 member! I'm CosmiC's sister! I'm Alse 2012!!!!! Wishing all the best for 2012 :)

Oh ya, if you're on you High School life, pray for me and (of course) yourself so we could step up into our next grade. High School is a hell-on-earth. I never feel afraid about this thing before.

got Twitter account? feel free to follow me

It's not about what you get and who you have.

2010-06-15T01:12:00.000-07:00

I live in a pleasuring life. I have a myriad of nice stuffs and tons of love.
But sometimes, I think like I shouldn't be born into this world.

One thing

2010-06-09T09:29:00.000-07:00

Yoohoo Sumative Test was over! But there's no word 'stop' cause remedials awaits me. Poor me. Anyway, what's up bloggie? I'm still had a chat with Hanif, tuning up the iTunes while writing this post. Placebo is on my way :) sleepy already but I think I need to post something on this late night. Another scrubby thing, another waster time. It's all about family.

One thing about my third sister: She has officially divorced with my dearest brother inlaw. And I'm sad.
One thing I know about this: She hates him, terribly.
One thing I know about her daughter: She's still sick, and she don't know anything about a newest bad-news about her parents. Pathetic. Believe it or not, I'm restraining my tears.
One thing I know about my first niece (which is my third sister's daughter): She's clever, but lately I catch her with her gloomy face.
One thing I know about my mother: She loves to puts a fake smile.
One thing everybody know about myself: I'm skinny. So do my mom, my second and third sister. Skinny family.
One thing about my father: Hate to mind about the problems above.
Something I know about my father: He likes planting, painting, joking, and cooking. He's a sleepy head.
Something I love about my father since I was a little child: He always draws some 'objects' on his daughters or granddaughter's book. Every morning or late afternoon, he always brings a little bread and cut it to pieces so he could feed the ants and his fishes on my backyard.

keep follow
xx

Sometimes it's tiring to living in an unfair world.

2010-06-03T03:19:00.000-07:00

Hello bloggers, long time no post. I'm about in final exams week. But let me tell you, you just waste your time by reading this. For whoever you are reading this, you might be read this unimportant tweet:

Once again, unimportant. Yo sounds cool that I could writing while everybody's busy with their Physics book. You'll find out the reasons why I wrote this thing. This post might be looks 'gloomy' with the words. But yah, don't know where to write all my feelings. Diary book's sucks, and bloging looks impressive.
Today is the 4th day of final exam. I've been through many exams and I knew my scores in some subject. Well, I realize I'm too dumb. I tries many way to understand about those subject and it's succeed. I could answers the questions smoothly, even in some subject I couldn't make it 'smooth' but I never mind cause I thought I could get good scores. But unfortunately, I still got a very bad score. It pissed me off, and I thought I'm the dumb-est. Does that true that pencils could decide my score? Cause I could passed some subject well and I still got a very bad score. F you pencils. Or did I made many sins, God? Oh stupid question ever, I am sins-maker. Haha, got another reason (re: still reason why I got bad scores). Ya I have to pray Ashar after writing this post. Everybody is clever while they through their activities, and me? Leave off my activites for a moment and I still be the dumb.
Tomorrow is Physics and Cinematography exam, how I wish I can get the best score for the next subject. But, I still a little bit sick of myself and I just had a little spirit. That's why I opened my laptop, trying to find Cinematography materials while writing. About 3 hours ago I was cried, because of this crap things, certainly. But how lucky I am to have Hanif besides me and cheering me up for always :) Oh ya, I wish I can get Social class for the next, but my parents (looks like they) begging me to get Science class. Confused. Hand it all to God.

Enough, gotta go. And wish me luck, in every situations, AND every subject.
Keep follow www.twitter.com/motyshagswell
Xoxo

I've been trying to flying higher

2010-05-24T07:20:00.000-07:00

I'm about minus at everything. Tell me, and let me fix myself. I've tried my best at everything and later I got myself made a wrong act. I've been trying to flying higher and I always fail.

Irreplaceable

2010-05-02T08:31:00.000-07:00

He's second on my 'most beloved people' after my mom. He has been the best, but I haven't. He supposed to get someone better, someone who can satisfy his wants, comply his advices, long minded, smarter, and repay his kindness.

Confession #2

2010-04-20T07:19:00.000-07:00

I am, enjoying Hoka-Hoka Bento's meal as my dinner. Sitting in front of my laptop and press some key to makes some sentences. Well, I don't know where to begin. I wish no one read this but stupidly I write 'it' on my blog. I supposed to do my Biology task but I have no folio-paper to do it, I supposed to make some choreography for dance and I prefer to share my freak confession then I opened my laptop, directly.
It's been such a long day since I got some little problems from my school. Art choose me as the 'penanggung jawab' Maker's costume and I am so 'gabut', Dancers missing Radia and Mia+senior's problems and all sucks-school's subject that I don't understand.
I called Him, hoping He would answer my call, chat, show up His expertise with some sentences that always makes my melt up and show some jokes that makes me rolls over my bed. Well, He always did that. Until I realize that He was trying to make me realize too. I'm not going to tell you completely. Made me stuck until I couldn't say anything except say 'sorry' and He didn't like my 'sorry'. Remember, I was intended to change His bad habit. But it's better I keep it inside and start changing myself. It's sounds fool that I just begin it now cause 'erasing my faults' it's so last year. Nevermind. Foolish always do fools.
I remember all my faults that he told me until I forgot it all when He said that 'We're dating for almost 14 months and I haven't make you change. And you haven't change your bad character at all.' (then, I forgot what he just said to me so I could write it all here AND if I remember I'm going to be sick) for million times I always be quite when something gets caught on my brain. I thought it was true but in fact it was wrong, I thought you were gonna like it but in fact you were hate it, I thought it was cool but you were disgust it. I'm sorry (and I would not stop saying sorry). For God's sake I never said that you were 'minus' or 'wrong'. I'm too loving you til I didn't realize how excessive was my behavior to you and I know you didn't like it. No problem, I wasn't said it's your fault. Relax, I know it's my faults. I did all my disgusting things just to keep up our relationship. Get it? I-never-meant-to-be-that-excessive.

Pardon me. I love you, Nif.
Ps: It was just a little fight, but my eyes restrained the tears. How about break up? Do you recognize it??? I'll die, maybe. Note it! Fight makes me down, and break up will kill me fastly.

Genus

2010-03-31T08:24:00.000-07:00

My 1st sister's wedding day.
See how happy was our faces! Well, I don't know about the others but honestly, I was put a fake smile. I miss my old family. Like, there's no problem at all. Live happily together. Problems begun to ruined this lovely family since I entered JHS. I won't tell you the problems, but the main idea is: I'm sure enough I hate it all.
Look at the first photo, it's my family which I always proud of. And actually, I hate to put it on my blog. I hate it cause there's no my 3rd brother-inlaw, which he's my dearest brother-inlaw all the time and he was busy took care of the weeding outside at that time. And there was no repeating photos. I was peeved. And there's no my 3rd nephew too, which he's my only nephew and the only one who look alike me! I hate incomplete. Ok, skip it.
Look at the 2nd photo, it's me and my sisters. From left: my 2nd sister, still pregnant her second child. Me, on the carpet, the most youngest and pampered daughter. My 1st sister, the married woman! My 3st sister, the most ferocious daughter. Cool, isn't it?
Even I'm still pretty dissapointed, I would never stop praying.

Fortuneless Weeks

2010-03-24T06:52:00.000-07:00

Hello! Oh gosh, it's been such a laziest week and I haven't touch any book for school yet, and I'm feeling...fool-er. Already fool and now more-fool. I didn't go to school cause I was sick..cacar (what's in english? I searched it, smallpox? variola? whatever) and thank God I've got better than last week. And this week is holiday. Our seniors at HS are going through the National Exams. Goodluck, seniors! Haha. Well, I didn't call it holiday. I doesn't have fun, hang out somewhere, or something that can be called holiday. I'm still sick and mommy prohibit me to go out. My boyf and my girls couldn't came to my house too. I miss them, everybody, I miss all out there. Nothing's fun at home. Eat, sleep, bathing, eat, and sleep again are all I could do. A total pathetic but maybe God gives me a lot of days for me to take a long rest (?) haha, maybe :p Ok then, this is the last week, I have to use it well as my rest-week. My 1st sister will celebrate her wedding day with her new husband this saturday, and my home gonna be crowd with my cousins (wishing it'll be fun!).
Anyway, I did a little photoshoot with one of my toys. And I made some words, or names. Here's some photos that took (I've edited it into different colors)

Yesterday I was at Cobra Starship's concert. Confused? Haha yes my mom prohibit me to go out once just because I bought Cobra's ticket longlong week ago. I watched Cobra with Sasha, my JHS friend. The show was extremely awesome! And they promised they'll come to Jakarta again, soon! Muahahah I'll keep their promise.

Enough for now. Thanks for reading. Talk to you later, bloggers!
Xoxo♥

trust me

2010-03-18T21:06:00.001-07:00

I call it Treasure.

2010-03-08T00:15:00.000-08:00

Some new stuffs and accesories from my 3rd sister. Huge hug for her :3

<:o)

2010-03-03T07:53:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANIF!

Just gave him a strawberry cheesecake and a tshirt on his birthday. Well, I don't know are those things made his mood better or not, (cause he's still sick) muahaha even he already told me that he loves my presents, thank God. And I got a present to: makes someone that you love happy is the happiest thing in your life. I've proven it.

Ps: get well very soon, Nif.

First Year Anniversary.

2010-02-28T05:35:00.000-08:00

Happy anniversary, Nif. Sorry I didn't give anything to you. I love you, Nif. More than you know now. Hoping we can stay longer. No fight, no ended. Amen.

Tons of kiss&hug, your lamebrained-girl
Moty♥

ALOHA!

2010-02-22T01:17:00.000-08:00

Hello bloggie! Wuo it's been such a longggg day I didn't update my blog. How's your day? Hope you got much better than me.
Well, it's monday and I didn't go to school. Aha! Yes, I'm tired and limp, yesterday I've just inaugurated to be Ang Art 45. Yay finally imma Art member! but one thing that made me sad is about dance, my division where I supposed to join this organization..on my generation (2012) was gone. Hm I don't really know about the exact but those seniors are greatly mad with my generation, and they said dance was gone on my generation. Sadden. And I know it's me and my friends fault. And...I don't know what to do and what to talk. Speechless. I wish me&my friends can get it back. With a bunch of efforts, certainly. Cut! No need to sad, kaderisasi was over and now it's time to through our duties together!
As usual, I always said that I miss whole of my relatives. Family? Much better. Relationship? Great, superfine! Friendship? Definitely good. This morning I saw my sister went to her office with her husband..such a nice news! They haven't talked for long time caused of some reasons. And it's cool to see the smile upon my brother in law's face :p wishing they'll live together again. Amen. Uhm couldn't describe my relationship. Can't stop smiling and be grateful to God. Next sunday I'll celebrate our 1st year anniversary. And I just have 2 wish: long-lasting relationship and make it so much better. AMEN!!! Turn to friendship news. Me and my6girls planning to hang out together on next saturday! Hoping it'll be 'complete'. Amen. Aaaa can't wait!

I think it's enough. Thanks for reading, anyway. Talk to you later!
Xoxo♥

Newest Family!

2010-01-26T05:26:00.000-08:00

YAY THIS IS CA.ANG ART 45! Proud to be one of them :DDD

beginning of 2010

2010-01-14T05:38:00.000-08:00

I've joined Art-Subsie at 8 HS. Hopefully it will so much fun. Lately I always sit in the front row on my class -> FIRST WISH: I CAN BE A SMARTER STUDENT. Dance dance dance all the time -> SECOND WISH: I CAN BE A GENIUS STUDENT AND MOMMY ALLOW ME TO KEEP MY DANCE ACTIVITY. Eat, chocolate everywhere -> THIRD WISH: FATTER AND ALSO TALLER. And some points that always appears in my mind, anything happy, and might be sad.
1. I miss my family, especially my Mom
2. I miss Hanif (as usual, anytime)
3. I miss my girls
4. I miss my time where I could spent my afternoon on the phone with Hanif
5. I miss my room, my bed
6. I miss SATURDAY AND SUNDAY
7. 8 HS is sick
8. (I often thinks that) I AM FED UP WITH 8 HS
9. 8 HS IS SUCKS
10. 8 HS IS SUCKS
11. for God's sake 8 HS IS SUCKS.

enough. I wish I can through it all well.
greetings from hell, Xoxo

idly.

2010-01-08T05:30:00.000-08:00

And I made it just for Delapan 2012, of course!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!

2009-12-31T21:48:00.000-08:00

This is one pretty good fireworks photo from some abstract photos. I know it's too ugly and I beg you to not laugh at this photo. Ps: I took it from the rooftop :p
Happy new year, people!

Holiday means:

2009-12-26T19:22:00.000-08:00

1. Time to rest as much as you want, and
2. Time to add some fat to my suppa-skinny body!!!
*And this is some food that accompanies me to spend this December (ABSOLUTELY FATTY BUT DEFINITELY YUMMY!)*

First fat source: A box of Chocolate Junior from Chewy Junior.
Second fat source: 1/2L of Strawberry Ice Cream from Haagen Dazs. Everybody likes the Cookies and Cream one and no one like the Strawberry one. So, this flavour is mine, certainly.
♥

5th project!

2009-12-23T09:20:00.000-08:00

yay finally I can publish it! yap this is my 5th project, like I've said before, requested by Keisha Nabila! I just gave this picture via Facebook and thank God she like it :)))) sorry Kei my brain was stucked when I made this picture so I think this picture's a bit uninteresting..ah but nevermind. enough for now, it's 12.30 am already. once again, happy birthday Keisha♥

meed-nite

2009-12-21T08:20:00.000-08:00

*4th December 2009. Dark clouds. Was taken by me, from the plane when I was on the way to Semarang*

Hello people! How are you? I'm doing great, hope ya do it to. Oh ya, happy holiday! Wish this holiday will be a great holiday, Amen.
Haven't sleepy yet. I'm waiting for Hanif's text. Nyawm, call it another midnight post. Anyway, I just finished my 5th project tonight. A request from Keisha, a gift from me for her birthday on 24th December, hope she like it. And I'm planing to make my 6th project on this holiday. Yap, like i've been thought before, this holiday would be boring. But it's ok, I miss my comfy bed and I need to take a long rest from the school thingy. So I'm thankful to God that I have 2 weeks to rest on this holiday. 2 weeks means everything. Uhm before this holiday, everyone really want to the holiday come faster. Then, it's already holiday, right? And they don't know what to do and begin to blame the holiday. They said they bored, nothing to do, bored again, blablabla and actually what they really want? Go to school without studying? Oh you wish! For all High School student, you could be dreaming as high as you want like that unreal thing. Once again, High School are sucks and please stop complaining, people! Everybody wants their Junior High School life back, so do I! But we couldn't do anything. Just accept this reality as it is. Sorry, didn't meant to be angry but I just want to encourage you :) Hmm wanna know a little about my report card? Uh bad. But...nevermind. My MIPA scores greatly improved from previous report card. Mommy know my brain haven't adapted to the lessons at school. So many unresolved score. But mommy didn't mad to me and allow me to continue my dance thingy. Alhamdulillahirobbilalamin.
Now! it's already 22nd December, right? (don't mind the date above this post) Happy mother's day! Just so you know, my mom's the best mom ever! Well, I've type about my mom on twitter and I have no guts to tell 'I love you' to my mom. If she doesn't know about how much my love for her, it's ok. But God knows. Yes, I love her so much, I do. God, please give all the best for her. Give her a lot of luck, strength, and of course health. Aminyarobbalalamin.

K then, I think this is enough for tonight. Just wait for another holiday story. Goodbye!
Xoxo♥

Longing for them.

2009-12-14T01:46:00.000-08:00

Yes, this is the peak where I really yearned for Dascouder. If I had a time machine, I really want to repeat all the things that I did with them for this incredibly 3 years.

HAH

2009-12-08T00:49:00.000-08:00

Hello..mmmm actually I'm still on the exams week. But now I'm stealing a little time to write a post. Here, now.
It's 4pm already, there's still 2 subjects for the final test, tomorrow. Which is Geography and English. Never mind. I think my head will explode, soon. Really, I'm sick of my school-SMAN 8 Jakarta-thingy. Thousand times I thinks that I was got into a wrong school. Each student is very dilligent and smart. K, I've tried to be like them. I'VE TRIED! But everything and all efforts I did to be like 'THEM' seems so failed. Sad, sorrow, down-hearted, and upset. Would you wanna know about all my score? Dissapointing, terrible, terrify..whatever. And it doesn't makes me excited to improve or repair those score. When I already knew about my score, it's just makes me down. I though all my efforts was useless. Meaningless. I've been cried when I was doing my Economy test. Really can't restrain it. Everybody said this words with easy "Itu resiko, Mot. Lo harus konsekuen kalo udah jadi anak 8." yayaya I'm bored to hear that words. What if my parents know about my real score and they'll dissapoint with me? Mad? Hooooh I won't think about it. I need my Junior High School life back.
Enough for today. Find another post after my final exams. See you!

Something that I have to type here. And it's a 'scrubby' thing to be read, actually.

2009-11-11T01:34:00.000-08:00

1. I just began to love my High School, and my generation of course. Not another part of that school.
2. I come to school just to meet my friends, meet the kind teachers, and studying. Not to meet the wicked teachers.
3. Honestly, 8 2012 is Awesome.
4. I'm busy with dance thingy. Sorry for some friends who feels 'forgotten'. I miss you all.
5. I think that there's many demons in my class. I never feels that I'm-not-sleepy while the lessons go on.
6. I've told you, I'm busy with dance thingy. And I miss Photography.
7. High School is so much worse than Junior High School. I often feels that my brain is already overloaded.
8. On High School, I really adore Weekend.
9. Lately I becomes frequent headache and dizzy.
10. I often feels like a brainless and surrounds by the genius people.
*yawn*
11. I miss Hanif Aisyah Kiki Luqy Cherine. As you know, they didn't got the same High School like me :(
12. I love Him, more and more. He just like my sedative :p
13. Thank God I've lived my relationship for 8 months. I wish it'll last forever. Amen. No disturber, please.
14. I have so many dreams. I want Him to urging me while I try to achieve my dreams and stay with me when my dreams have been achieved.
*sneeze*
15. My appetite is so much more than before.
16. I've lost my handphone. Goodbye N76, Hello Nokia 5530.

a sweetest thing called Love and a disturber called Fear.

2009-10-22T04:54:00.001-07:00

It wasn't a disaster or a crime
Once again, it wasn't yours or anyone's
It was mine
My fault, my mistake
To make my dreams come true is such a hardest thing
Not an easy thing
Needs a hardwork: a bunch of effort and a heap of pray
Maybe I did it forcefully, or too excessive
And sometimes becomes a terrible sin, even a big failure
Yes, I ruined all
I still keeping a trauma
And perhaps that's the reason why I carry out my mission with excessive-ness
I'd like to say that you're my only fear
I've been told you about that
Even I wasn't told you with a word called 'dreams'
I know, I'm drowning to deep
But this is just my biggest desire
And I've been told you, too
I did it all for whom.

Idle time

2009-10-13T06:42:00.000-07:00

Hello bloggers! Long time no spanning a yearn :p How are you? I'm doing fine :) hehe EH not too fine, I mean. Maybe I won't tell you much about my experience again, I'll just give you some snapshots. Yep, like some last posts. There's just a little time to post some long stories here. And maybe now I'll tell you some sucks and also happy story (or boring story, duh).

Today I just finished up the Midterm Test that was held from October 5th-13rd. I thought it would be as easy as I was in junior high school but..nah terrible. So different and of course, fuck-er. Hell yeah. I haven't finish up some 'remedial' on 1st Formative Test and now???? Just wait for the Midterm Test score :) I'm preparing myself so I could tougher to see the score. And once again, I thought I was got the false school. I mean, I'm fool, stupid, oh ya, brainless. And how about my friends? Oh I see them and sometimes I ashamed by myself. They're such a geniuses, they're so diligent. NOT LIKE ME! (This is what I mean sucks story) I've told my mom that I already studied all night for Midterm Test and she saw me do it and I've tried my best to do those test, but if I still got some bad score.....yah this is your daughter, mom. This is my brain-ability. Sorry if I dissapoint you, later. And the most important: I haven't love my Smandel, I haven't adapting myself on this school. I wish sooner I'll realize that God got me in the best school for me.

Hahhhh enough for school's thingy, cause tonight is the time that I won't take any book and keep my laptop on my thigh :p Anyway, I miss my girls (yeah, as usual). I miss Smabel (uh everytime I remember about Smabel, feels like wanna come back to all the pleased time huhuhu). And I miss Hanif (24/7). I won't tell much about my relationship, or maybe some people (might be Him) call me 'lebay' or whaeva. Kind-er, spirit-giver, and also worst enemy. Well, now He's kinder than before, and I love it so much. Never stop to inspiring and cheering me up :)))) just so you know, I love Him so much. Worst enemy? Beside He kinder, He also peever. And sometimes...discountenancing me :'( hah forget it. Don't ever think negative about Him, He's still my best! forever! Amen. And I hope He know all my feelings about Him. (ps: I often think that I'm such a FOOL or NASTY even STUPID and also IDIOT girl if I made He sad or mad with me. I'm afraid if a certain sadden thing will happen :( and I can't stop blaming myself. Yeah I think it was all my faults, forgive me, Nif. But now I'm trying my best to you)

Sooooo I think it's enough to tell you about my new boring story and thanks for reading. OHYA! once again: sorry for my bad english. Hihihihi. Goodbye♥

4th PROJECT!!

2009-10-09T04:34:00.000-07:00

ps: REQUEST BY LISA TRINOVIANTI A.K.A LISABATSY AND SHE'LL GIVE THIS PICTURE TO ADIMAS PR. DO NOT TRY TO THINK NEGATIVE ABOUT THIS PICTURE OR THE TEXT ON THIS PICTURE.

'Let me be the one to show you'

2009-10-08T08:19:00.000-07:00

"I'm the one who wants to be with you

Deep inside I hope you feel it too

Waited on a line of greens and blues

Just to be the next to be with you."

I'm right, eh? :P

2009-10-04T01:59:00.000-07:00

I'm on my (another) journey

2009-10-03T11:56:00.000-07:00

(I THINK THESE THINGY ARE TOO BAD. BLOG UNDER REPAIR!)

back to routinity.

2009-10-03T11:50:00.000-07:00

just wait for another story and photos! talk to you soon, bloggers ♥

..forgive me

2009-09-23T21:20:00.000-07:00

Hello bloggers! long time no post huihihi. Last saturday I went to Pekalongan to celebrated Ied day with my whole sibling. Call it mudik. Yep, I never celebrating Ied day on Jakarta. Anyway, minal aidin wal faidzhin, people! Let's forgive each other and forget the bad thingy! Uhm, I won't tell you much bout the celebration. But here I shows you some photos that I took on the first and second day of Ied, and some photos when I was on my way back to Jakarta by train. thanks for reading ;)

ps: Back to normal, back to hell. The 'Gloomy Days' will come, soon. Next week I'll go to that sick school again and it means the mid-test will start to frighten me, uhm, maybe on monday. Fuck off. And now, my left leg is aching. And last night I had a bad headache. PMS, I guess. Hate it.

&&&&&

2009-09-16T02:29:00.000-07:00

And the light's blowing through my lens.

2009-09-13T01:21:00.000-07:00

(sebaiknya sih gausah dibaca)

2009-09-12T04:35:00.001-07:00

ini foto kemarin sih.

Malam minggu ini... ya begini

1. Disaat ibu, bapak, dan keponakan pergi ke rumah sakit menjenguk kakak.

2. Disaat ingin makan Crispy Roll-Sushi Tei, tapi.. ada delivery gak sih?

3. Disaat mendownload lagu2 Never Shout Never! dari 4shared yang gila dan lagu-lagunya hanya setengah-setengah (lagu belum habis tapi sudah ganti lagu lain. Sekalinnya lengkap, rekamannya tidak bagus)

4. Disaat WLM menggila dengan tidak bisa online. Sekalinya online, wanita-wanitakupun tak online.

5. Disaat ingin menonton beberapa film di Youtube tapi koneksi internet tidak mendukung.

6. Disaat rindu dengan pacar yang sedang pesanter kilat dan jarang (sebenernya tidak boleh) memegang handphone.

7. Disaat ingin teraweh tapi selalu ada dorongan untuk terus di depan laptop dan akhirnya hanya solat Isya jam 10 malam.

8. Disaat bahasa Inggris lagi gak berfungsi seperti ini.

9. Disaat membuka aplikasi Adobe Photoshop tapi tidak tahu apa yang ingin diedit karena tidak ada ide yang mengalir ke otak.

10. Disaat tidak ada barang atau hiasan bagus untuk memenuhi dinding kamar.

11. Disaat pusing karena memikirkan pelajaran sekolah yang belum (atau bahkan: tidak) sesuai dengan otak ini.

12. Disaat pusing memikirkan mid-test yang akan dilaksanakan LANGSUNG setelah liburan. Bahkan remedial-remedial Test Formatif ke 1 belum diselesaikan sebelum liburan.

13. Disaat kaki kiri belum sembuh dari sakit dan tadi pagi sudah latihan dance lagi: semakin sakit.

14. Disaat ingin menambah dokumen foto sendiri tetapi wajah ini tidak memungkinkan untuk 'dipublikasikan'.

Yah semoga suram macam gini cuma hari ini.

Ash and Dust.

2009-09-10T05:26:00.000-07:00

see?

2009-09-06T00:39:00.000-07:00

yes. I am.

EQ

2009-09-02T02:03:00.000-07:00

I'm laying on my bed, holding my laptop, asking 'where is Him?', he even haven't reply my text *kriuk*

Just had a little headache :(

Can't stop looking my Tweetdeck 'cause everybody's so splashy about earthquake,

and talking or throwing off on Malaysia HAH HAH (don't care if this is fasting month, they r public enemy. I think it's not wrong to throwing off on that freaky-state).

Wew it's the first time I feel about this disaster (even it's not too bad. and I hope, it won't). God please don't give any disaster again, save us!!!!!

xoxo Jakarta (I mean) Indonesia♥

all about

2009-09-01T07:51:00.001-07:00

.love and miss.

Confession

2009-08-29T06:07:00.000-07:00

2 times of heartache was enough for me. And it wasn't an easy thingy. Begged someone that-you-know-that-he-doesn't-love-you was such a foolest thing. I prayed, I wish I could find the one that could fix this bad condition. 6 girls couldn't made it, so I need someone real. Sometimes, little girl could be a brainless girl~I won't told my mom 'bout this.

Gotcha! I found you! God loves me, and finally 'that day' was came to me. Mmmm I don't know is this seriously? I'm not as beauty and clever as your ex(s) and...yep, thought u're blind. And sometimes I minded that I'm not the best for you but u're the best for me. All I know was God listened to my pray, and now I got what I want. We've been through this 6 months together. We through the day together with laughs and sometimes...tears. And each day you gives me what I really want from you. You never gives it immediately, but I always felt it. Promise by promise we made. Even sometimes we breached it, a bit. Emm..you have to know that I trust you. And wish you trust me too~about all things I've said to you. You have to know too, I never meant to made you mad. Lying was my biggest mistake. I thought it was the best way, and now...nope. Foolish always act fools, sorry. You wanna know what reason I should lying to you? And the answer is: I won't lose you. Well, I know God already arranged all. I know someday the worst day will come. I wrote here, because I think that just said 'I love you' is never enough to ravel all my feelings. I just want you to know about all the things you've gave to me and what I feels to you (you know, u're different with the others). Iloveya,nif

ps: hah that tittle above sounds creppy :S

You Make It Real

2009-08-25T06:50:00.000-07:00

So much craziness surroundin' me

So much goin' on, it gets hard to breathe

When all my faith has gone, you bring it back to me

You make it real for me

When I'm not sure about my priorities

When I've list site of where I'm meant to be

Like holy water washin' over me

You make it real for me

And I'm runnin' to you, baby

You are the only one who saved me

That's why I've been missin' you lately

Cause you make it real for me

When my head is strong but my head is weak

I'm full of arrogance and uncertainty

When I can't find the words

You teach my heart to speak

You make it real for me, yeah

Everybody's talkin' in words I don't understand

You got to be the only one who knows just who I am

You're shinin' in the distance, I hope I can make it through

Cause the only place that I want to be

Is right back home with you

I guess there's so much more I have to learn

But if you're here with me, I know which way to turn

You always give me somewhere, somewhere I can learn

You make it real for me

Happy Fasting!

2009-08-21T06:23:00.000-07:00

I got a heap of mistakes and sins. so, forgive me friends! may ur fast going well. let's hunt for the greatest number of merit!

big hug from me ;)

thursd.

2009-08-20T09:29:00.000-07:00

jarang-jarang bisa begini. even they were not complete, but i'm so glad i met Kiki and Aisyah. location: fX, captured by: everybody

*sorry for the bad picts, i though those picts had small pixels caused of pict-resize :|*

♥♥♥♥♥

100th post

2009-08-09T00:14:00.000-07:00

hello bloggie, i'll seldom to post somethin on this blog. now i just tell you for the important thingy.

i just enter a new life, yes imma high school student. yes I'm busy. blah the classroom just made me slept on unimportant lessons, some lessons that i hate and I'm not interested to learn about those lessons. or maybe there're so many wicked evils that made me slept on the classroom? I don't know. eh I'm not a geniuses, I'm still asking why i get 8shs.

I really love them but i didn't understand what's going on with my family that makes my mom cries everyday. oh ya I understand. as the childest daughter i've tried to help this family with prays. I couldn't put out any words for them, except for God.

Bf. well, i won't tell you much about this thing. he's changed. em, I mean he just changed to be a better guy for his girl, even sometimes he's so annoys but he gave me more than I want. yes, he treat me like....father loves her daughter. I adore him (I wish he would like to read this).

I got X-D as my first class: there's bunch of cool friends, new friends, new chairmate, new gossipers :p new stories and of course new classmate! but how about my girls? I couldn't say anything except 'I miss them'.

see? nothing special *but someone made it special! that weirdo boy282828*. this life's unpredictable. toodles :)

high school. oh high school.

2009-07-31T23:56:00.000-07:00

hello! wuah long time no post! i miss my blog haha oh ya yesterday i was changed my blog's template and it made my blog so ugly ~_~ so i confused and now i just change the template again, yihi now everything's back to normal :]

about everything's back to normal: School->suck. study at 8 makes me wonder, wondering how i could got in here-because my friends are such a geniuses, and I am not huhu really I was dead on Mathematic, slept on Indonesian, and I blind on Physics.

oh ya about this weekday, i started the weekday with monday. well, nobody says that monday's fun. monday is the beginning and of course monday is the end of...holiday (I mean, weekend). on tuesday and wednesday i went to menara 165, got ESQ training for teens. well, those 2 days was a tiring day. on tuesday i got home about 7 pm and on wednesday i got home about 8.30 pm. blah and the next day i should go to school again, and I slept on Indonesian lesson. such an unimportant lesson, a boring teacher. woops sorry Mr....who? I forget his name. enough.

oh ya, today's saturday. yihi i can't wait to go out!!! go to mall!!! well I haven't went to mall for this 3 weeks (maybe) uh so I'll force my mom to go out haha.

hm about school, my school had too much programs. last week was Schoolympic CarnIVal, today and tomorrow are Akoforsi. what's next? just wait for another interesting program haha. oh ya, I choose Cosmic as my extracurricular so it means that i got Art as my subsie. (but I'm not Cosmic yet, now I just cabacaang dance 2012) and Diaz, Rina, Dita ask me to get in to photography, too. maybe later.

well, that's all for this post. oh yea I miss Hanif *as usually*, Kiki, Aisyah, Cherine, Luqy and of course Dascouder!

gue item.

2009-07-23T04:25:00.001-07:00

Bahkan Kevin lebih putih dari gue.

random

2009-07-15T00:27:00.000-07:00

Hello! wew it's a long time that i didn't write any post here. how do you do? i hope you're fine aha, me too. but not so fine, yet. well, today is the last day of MOS, the weather's freakin' hot. i was fainted when ceremony almost done. i'm glad that Aghy was helped me to calm down haha, and Jojo too. when my condition getting better, i started to do the placement test. it's sucks. and i'm not interested to study haha. uhm about the placement test (mathematics, science and english) it's not to bad or too difficult, for me. but it was made me dizzy because we just can finished off that test...uhm about 2,5 hours. fuck. especially for english, i didn't do it well. they just gave us 30 minutes to finished those 50 questions. but now, it's over. tomorrow i'll go to Lembang. there's LDK for 8's new student. and i'm afraid that i'll fainted again -_- i hope not, amin. and 2 days again is....my birthday!---unimportant. i'll not meet Hanif or Kiki Aisyah Luqy and Cherine on my birthday. i hope they're remember haha. anyway, i miss my junior high school's friends, especially Hanif muahahaha.

uhm yesterday i went to taman makan pahlawan with a friend, we went there by bicycle! it was fun! and here's some photos that took from my camera..and thanks for reading!

boredom project

2009-07-06T09:39:00.000-07:00

I HAVE NO IDEA FOR MY 3RD PROJECT.

puas.

2009-07-03T05:23:00.000-07:00

i've got a bunch of memories from them

2009-06-24T09:49:00.000-07:00